Sabotage

Relationship after relationship we women go through a lot. We may not want to admit it but a failed attempt at love can take a lot from us. Some of us develop issues that we never even knew we had. I feel that women who do not date much compared to women who do tend to experience much more hesitance, fear, second guessing and in some cases some insecurity. For some we tend to over analyze and the second guessing turns into sabotage.

For women who do not date as much, we tend to triple think the process of dating. I think that because we have not dated in a while we try to do so much damage control that we lose control and what could have been a great relationship is now over. Personally I hardly date and when I do I have to be 100% interested and it is also an excruciating process for me. When I do have a love interest I try so hard to get things right that I end up wrecking things. I go from thinking I am not texting enough to texting too much. I go from being afraid of getting to close that I just end up settling for sex because it is safe. I go from thinking the guy is prefect to thinking he is full of shit because I talked myself into believing so.

Is it fear, hurt, intentional or being aware? I must admit that there is nothing wrong with being cautious but there is nothing healthy about over thinking or over analyzing. We spend so much time trying to get right what we have gotten wrong so many times before. I often wonder if I will ever be “fixed” and learn how to let it flow. Until then the only way I know how to protect my heart is through sabotage…

Yours Truly,

The Single B*tch

Hell Yea I am Mad….

There are very few times that I will make bash but today is one of those days. I never understood why men feel like the can do and say stupid sh*t and we women are not supposed to get upset. As women we are naturally emotional beings and we sometimes do not think logically when it comes to decisions with our partner I think that men can sometimes act so selfishly and once they get what they want they expect you to be okay with their decision. What is funny is that men can dish it but cannot take it. They remind me of kids in a way. They feel that they can make a mess and expect you to clean it up or we should understand about what they did. Though we should not harp on our anger but it is okay to admit when you are hurt or mad about a particular situation.

We all go through sh*t and those situations sometimes leave stains. Some women are not as strong emotionally and mentally as others. Personally, I have been through some sh*t and even though I feel that as a person I have grown I find it hard to let some things go. I have been told by a friend that maybe I am afraid to let go because I find comfort in the hurt. After some thought I think that it is true. Sometimes you never really realize that you are mad about something until you come across a trigger. No woman wants to admit that she is bitter but damnit I am here to finally admit that I am a bitter b*tch. Now let me make this clear, as far as everyday life goes I am an easy-going happy person. Even when it comes to love I am easy-going but it is a particular situation that I have that makes me become angry here and there. There is just a huge part of me that I feel is holding me back from progressing because I am still hurt about it. I find it hard to try to face what is bothering me because that means I would have to accept the final outcome. I am just looking forward to the day when I am ready to face my issue head on, deal with it and accept it. I feel that I may never be over it but at least I can learn how to adjust.

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. That alone is a huge step. Do not be afraid to admit that you are hurt or even mad. What does matter is how you handle it and if you let it consume you. Control your problem, do not let it control you

Yours Truly,

The Single B*tch