It’s Not You…It’s him

Ladies we have all at one point taken blame for why a relationship failed or why casually dating someone did not turn into something serious. In some cases I am pretty sure some of us women can say that we could have done something that we didn’t, should not have done something at all or could have done something better. What I have grown to learn is that this is not always the case. Sometimes men just are not ready for you and it shouldn’t be taken personally.

When the end result of a relationship does not end how you would want, it is somewhat natural to wonder what you did wrong. Of course you should not feel this way if red flags were all over the place from the beginning but I can see where you would question yourself if everything went right.

Through my experiences and through maturing, I realized that sometimes you are not the problem. Let me provide some examples to you just in case you are not buying what I am trying to sell. Men could also be going through some things that do not allow them to commit to someone fully like a bad financial situation or personal demons that they are battling. If you have a child from a previous relationship it could be that they feel like they are not ready to play daddy to another man’s child at the moment. Some men could even feel that they may not be “good enough” for you at that time in his life. Or a man could just want to be single. Basically timing can play a huge role in the success or failure of a relationship. I also think that as men mature their type changes. I live in Georgia and Atlanta is very superficial. There are beautiful women everywhere and some do not have what a woman needs to support those pretty looks. So what I am getting at is that he could be attracted to a woman for beauty and nothing else because of the maturity that he may be lacking. Whereas you may be beautiful smart, funny, successful and have everything that a man could possibly want but because he is not at a level where he can appreciate it, he won’t! Ladies, I am pretty sure we have turned down a man that was good for us for reasons that we only know. I can honestly say that I didn’t give some really good guys a chance because either I was into the (wrong) guy or because at the moment I just wasn’t ready. I do not know about you all but I would not want to be with someone who is fully ready to be with me regardless of what he does or does not have. If there are particular things that can hinder him from being a good man for and to me, I do not want him! But that is just me though

I said all of that to say this, do NOT take it personally sweetie. You are good enough and you have to just count some things as a loss and realize that maybe he wasn’t for you at the moment. There will be plenty more men that will come your way.

Sincerely,
The Sing B*tch

The Fuckery of the “Friendzone”


The friendzone is a terrible place to be when you are not the one who placed someone there. I always thought women were always the ones who called the shots and placed the men who did not make the cut there. I never in a million years thought that men would friendzone a woman with good intentions and I was right. By the time we are placed in the friendzone we do not even realize it until it’s too late. Sounds confusing? Well I will explain

When women place a man in the friendzone it is because basically we have NO interest in him whatsoever. It is very rare that we friendzone a man after we have taken a chance on him and decided that we wanted to have him in our life in one way or another. Now if we friendzone you after we decided to take a shot at getting to know you, then that means something went wrong somewhere along the way. At that point we let you down easy and make it clear that there is no hope for anything more serious. Hell at this point you guys probably won’t even qualify for just a sexual relationship. Men on the other hand handle things an entirely different way.

After men (some) have gotten what they wanted from you or they are comfortable with what you all have, the friendzone has been your home for a while and you did not even know it. In fact he did not even know it either until you decided to ask where you guys stand or you express that you want more. At that point he says “oh we are cool” or “you’re the coolest girl I know and I don’t want to mess that or up “we are just friends”. These responses basically mean “bitch I don’t want you” or “I never wanted anything serious from you”. Now I have no problem with either of those reactions but what I would like to know is at what point has he ever expressed that you were just a friend? Nine times out of ten a friendship was never established. Now that is my issue, and now you are left with nothing.

Through the many trials and errors of dating I realized that majority of the time the red flags and signs are already there when it comes to dating or men you just have to be mature enough to accept it. And please always remember that you can never change the way he feels if he does not want to.

Yours Truly,
The Single B*tch