What Did You Learn?

Every experience that you go through should be an opportunity to learn. I guess that is why people say that experience is the best teacher. Not only should you apply what you have learned from failed business ventures, your everyday experiences in your career and with mistakes that you have made with your money but you should also apply them to failed relationships.

I HATE admitting to people how long I have been single because I do not want to be judged. But I am assuming this should be a judgement free atmosphere so I guess I will tell you. I have been single for ten long years. Yes, I have dated in between time and those situations did not turn serious and to tell you the truth I am thankful for that. I could go on and on about my ten-year run but I will save that for another day.

During my time alone I honestly wasn’t ready for a serious relationship but last year I figured that it was time. Unfortunately, I did not find someone I was interested in until recently and I was finally excited to start something new. I do not want to go into great detail about the situation but I will say that he was a great guy, good heart but I did see some red flags. The red flags were not something that he was doing to intentionally hurt me, but it did. I am huge on making plans and sticking to those plans. Life happens, shit happens and sometimes you just don’t feel like going with the plans but you should always be able to communicate and let people know if something in your day changes that would alter your plans. That’s just called respect and having common courtesy. When someone fails to spend time or make plans with me, I feel unwanted and unimportant and I don’t like that shit one bit. I saw those red flags earlier on but ignored them because I had hope for the situation, I thought that maybe I could be patient enough to help change his habits and it was so inconsistent that sometimes I couldn’t even tell if what was happening was wrong or not. I also was extremely frustrated because he saw nothing wrong with what he was doing. True, he probably didn’t but it doesn’t make it right. If someone that you care about expresses how unhappy they are with something that you are doing you should be able to compromise and sacrifice just to make the relationship better. Like my good ole girls Xscape said “what I need from you is understandddddiiiing, how can we communicate if you don’t hear what I say…”. Understanding, communication, respect and compromise is what I needed but I wasn’t given that. I saw the red flags and ignored them, but I guarantee that I won’t let it happen again. I learned a couple of things from that situation…

What I learned was that you should never ignore the red flags. What I also learned is that if it doesn’t make you happy leave it alone, never give up too much of what you want without reciprocity and put yourself first. I am sure each relationship will have its faults but if the other person is not willing to modify or take into consideration what matters to you then chuck the deuces. So, my questions to you are what have you learned from your past relationships and how will you apply it to your next?

Love Always,
The Single B*tch

Being Down VS Dealing

Unless you were hiding under a rock or not into the hip-hop culture you know that Gucci Mane and Keyshia Ka’oir got married. Honey it was the talk of social media and suddenly #relationshipgoals for some people. I have noticed so many posts circulating about how more women should be like Keyshia and deal with a man through everything that he goes through. My question to all of you who are dating, in a relationship or married is are you down or just dealing?

For me there is a thin line between being down and dealing with a man and his situation. We have all been in a situation where we were not all the way together (or whatever that means) but that bad situation did not define who you are as a person. With that being said, a man may come to you not all the way together and for me that is okay BUT what I am not going to do is help him grow up. For me being down means understanding and being supportive through the NORMAL ups and downs in life. Life happens, shit happens and I will be there with my man to be his backbone and not only help him get though a situation but over it as well. Down to me does not mean dealing with anything that makes me lose myself or forgetting about what it is that I want and need. Dealing with a man is all of what I just mentioned previously. I am not going to deal with certain actions and characteristics of a man because “that’s just who he is”. True sometimes you will have to take the good with the bad but if that bad does not make you feel good or he cannot compromise or alter that bad for you then that should be a no go situation.

I have always thought of myself as being down and there were times where I asked myself if I was dealing. I always knew when was just dealing because I would feel emotionally exhausted and drained. What I want to know form you all is what does being down mean to you and what exactly are you willing to deal with? At what point do you leave a situation and how down are you willing to be?

Sincerely,
The Single B*tch

Tips To Living A Healthy Single Life

I could see how some people look at being single as a negative time in their lives but it all depends on how you take advantage of that stage. Instead of harping on how you hate being alone take this time to start, finish or even end some things that you have been intending to do. If you are fresh out of a relationship or still healing from one that has ended some time ago take this time to rebuild yourself. Below are some tips that helped me and can possibly help you through this phase (yes I said phase, it doesn’t last forever) in your life.

Take time for yourself– When you are fresh out of a relationship I think it is very important to spend some alone time. Sometimes it is possible for someone to lose themselves while they are in a relationship and you have to get used to being single again. Of course you should not totally isolate yourself but it is okay to not answer some calls and texts, take some time away from social media, spend some quiet nights inside and just straight out get yourself together mentally. Continue reading Tips To Living A Healthy Single Life