Every experience that you go through should be an opportunity to learn. I guess that is why people say that experience is the best teacher. Not only should you apply what you have learned from failed business ventures, your everyday experiences in your career and with mistakes that you have made with your money but you should also apply them to failed relationships.
I HATE admitting to people how long I have been single because I do not want to be judged. But I am assuming this should be a judgement free atmosphere so I guess I will tell you. I have been single for ten long years. Yes, I have dated in between time and those situations did not turn serious and to tell you the truth I am thankful for that. I could go on and on about my ten-year run but I will save that for another day.
During my time alone I honestly wasn’t ready for a serious relationship but last year I figured that it was time. Unfortunately, I did not find someone I was interested in until recently and I was finally excited to start something new. I do not want to go into great detail about the situation but I will say that he was a great guy, good heart but I did see some red flags. The red flags were not something that he was doing to intentionally hurt me, but it did. I am huge on making plans and sticking to those plans. Life happens, shit happens and sometimes you just don’t feel like going with the plans but you should always be able to communicate and let people know if something in your day changes that would alter your plans. That’s just called respect and having common courtesy. When someone fails to spend time or make plans with me, I feel unwanted and unimportant and I don’t like that shit one bit. I saw those red flags earlier on but ignored them because I had hope for the situation, I thought that maybe I could be patient enough to help change his habits and it was so inconsistent that sometimes I couldn’t even tell if what was happening was wrong or not. I also was extremely frustrated because he saw nothing wrong with what he was doing. True, he probably didn’t but it doesn’t make it right. If someone that you care about expresses how unhappy they are with something that you are doing you should be able to compromise and sacrifice just to make the relationship better. Like my good ole girls Xscape said “what I need from you is understandddddiiiing, how can we communicate if you don’t hear what I say…”. Understanding, communication, respect and compromise is what I needed but I wasn’t given that. I saw the red flags and ignored them, but I guarantee that I won’t let it happen again. I learned a couple of things from that situation…
What I learned was that you should never ignore the red flags. What I also learned is that if it doesn’t make you happy leave it alone, never give up too much of what you want without reciprocity and put yourself first. I am sure each relationship will have its faults but if the other person is not willing to modify or take into consideration what matters to you then chuck the deuces. So, my questions to you are what have you learned from your past relationships and how will you apply it to your next?
The Single B*tch