As I get older, what I want as and in a career has changed drastically. I think as kids so many of us were told what we need to do and we were not provided many options. Luckily, in today’s world so many of us are paving our own way and I love it. Within the past year I have totally fallen in love with The Single Bitch Diaries and I must admit that I need your help. Continue reading Let’s Help Each Other Make Money Moves!
Getting back on the dating scene has been hard but it has nothing to do with the men. For me, dating has been hard because of the lack of experience that I have with it. So recently I have learned a lot while I have been dating and maybe it will help you too. Continue reading Earning My Man, While Learning My Man…Things I have Learned
Listen, whether you knew it or not everyone has been a sidechick. I guarantee that at least 90% of us have been a sidechick a time or two in our lives. I have been a sidechick myself more than I have wanted to and I wanted to provide y’all with some tips to help you recognize that you are a sidechick so you can avoid the embarrassment and time wasted.
Quality Time- Listen, a man can always find time to cheat. Just because he is spending time does not mean he is single. Pay attention to the trends. Either he will have set days that he likes to see you on or either the visits are going to be very sporadic and last minute.
No Dates, Just Dick- Now some men are bold and will still wine and dine you while he has a girlfriend. If he is taking you out on dates, it’s going to come to a stop sooner than you know. If he has a little money, he may fly you out to where he is but you won’t get many solo dates. You may meet the homies and hell if he actually likes you there may be a chance to meet the family but don’t count on being invited to the cookouts and holiday dinners.
Motel, Hotel, Holiday Inn- Girl, you are going to get dick in a hotel room. Now depending on what’s going on in his relationship he may invite you over but do not expect it every time. More than likely you guys will be meeting at a hotel or if you have your own spot, he will come to you.
No Valentines Dates- Just expect to be by yourself on this day. He may call or send you a Happy Valentine’s Day text but nothing more.
Rubbers Only- Men are going to be men and most cannot resist wet, moist rabbit. So, there may be a few times where condoms are not being used but do not be appalled if you all go from raw sex to latex. Once the condom starts back making an appearance, you know he is trying to make himself feel better about cheating.
No Calls, Just Texts- Most men that have sidechicks will not call. If they are smart they would do so but most do not use the head between their shoulders and will leave a paper trail. You will notice that when he calls it will be at certain times during the day. More than likely, he will call you during the day when his woman is out and about. If a man has a woman that is always around and snoops a lot, the only means of communication that you two may have is Snapchat a DMs on Instagram.
No Stepmama For You- If he has kids, you will not meet them. Period, point blank!
No Connecting- When you are a sidechick, your conversations will be very basic. If you like to know a man’s history, personal business, fears and dreams then you might as well forget about it with this man. What you guys talk about will not be deep, just superficial. I can put money on the fact that you all will most likely just talk about sex, reality TV and Instagram beef.
No Effort- The only effort this man is going to put into a sidechick is when he wants some ass. Do not count on him fighting for you.
Consistently Inconsistent- Nothing will be regular when you are a side chick especially time spent. You guys may go from seeing each other once a week, to once every other week to once a month. Don’t be alarmed because he will still call, he is just trying to be a good boy for the moment.
I am not saying this applies to every situation but this is just what I have noticed. Being a sidechick is nothing to be proud of but if you happen to find yourself in this situation then you have some serious decisions to make. If you are okay with your current position with a man, then fine do you but just be prepared to handle whatever comes with it.
The Single B*tch
They say not to let history repeat itself but it’s so hard to not live in the past. In our past relationships we may have learned some things about ourselves including what we want in a relationship. One thing that I am trying my hardest not to do is let a man pay for another man’s mistakes. Continue reading Don’t Make Him Pay
They say all good things come to an end an I used to think that was not true. The older I get I begin to realize that in some cases good things do end. As you mature endings are not always bad and sometimes it happens naturally. I am starting to accept that sometimes an end to an era is inevitable.
Have you ever had someone in your life that you just could not seem to shake? You guys could have arguments, time a part and still this person just seems to come back around. When you are living in the moment you probably think that there is no end near. I have had a couple of men in my past that I thought I would never get over or at least would never stop fucking but girl was I wrong! As a matured I realized that some people no longer deserve certain parts of you and you must let go. I think the reason I never let go of some people was because of comfort. It felt good knowing that I had something familiar around. Not only was he familiar but that also meant less miles on my coochie because I was recycling dick. I have even had some men in my life that weren’t so pivotal but maybe he was there during a moment in time when shit was great. You know how certain songs, smells, job and even clothes remind you of a certain time in life? Well that’s how I feel about some guys that I dated. Maybe he just felt good because maybe I had a great job, more money or traveling more at that time. There was a time when the end of a relationship or situation would tear me a part. Sometimes it hurt because I loved the person and other times it hurt just because I knew that I would have to start all over again. It sucks when you start back sleeping alone. Now, I can see and feel the end before it comes. At times, I find myself an emotional wreck because I can’t control what is happening and other times I am at peace because I know that it is necessary.
The more I date and the more I am realistic with myself I know that change isn’t bad. Sometimes your well has run dry and it’s time to fill up elsewhere. Sometimes shit just happens and there is nothing you can do to control it. I have learned that the more I try to do damage control, things start to fuck up more because some things are not left up to you. When you notice a change happening, learn to think more, act less and watch things happen. The good thing about the end of an era is that there is a new beginning on the horizon.
The Single B*tch
When dating we have all done some shit that could cost us a healthy relationship. I think it’s important to recognize our flaws and what we can do better or what we need to do less of. I’ve never really realized what I needed to change but now I know my downfall.
I’ve never been good at dating, in fact I suck at it but when I like a guy I’m all in and no one or nothing can change that except for that guy. I’ve recently discovered that I do not know how to pick my battles. When your partner does something you disagree with, it’s important to figure out if it’s worth a big reaction. Usually I have no control over my thoughts and my mouth so of course I fuck up and make the situation bigger than what it should be. So I consider myself independent, head strong and I’m good at getting what I want. Because I run my household and I’m raising a young man, I can be bossy and hella stubborn. I’m not sure if I can contribute those characteristics to my downfall but it’s really hard to let things slide. I’ve been through so much shit and I’m so used to getting let down by men that I tend to overanalyze everything they say or do. It’s almost like I try to look for what went wrong in my past relationships in my current one and I fail at doing damage control. I’m just afraid of looking stupid…
You can’t control everything that may or may not happen in your relationship but what you can control is how you react or choose to handle that situation. I’ve learned that I’m terrible at overanalyzing and choosing my battles and now it’s up to me if I let it ruin a potential good thing. My question to you is what is your downfall or major flaw and how are you going to change it?
The Single B*tch
have the luxury to pick up and go wherever and do whatever without first thinking about arrangements for your child. I thought I could just jump right back into the dating scene after I had my son… lol I laughed as I wrote that because of how comical that was. Me trying to learn how to balance baby time, me time and he time. Needless to say, it didn’t quite work out how I planned. Being in a relationship is like having another job and having a man is like having another baby (no offense to my male readers lol) but seriously, it is. It can also be quite draining, at least until you find someone who finally understands and gets it.
There are a lot of things that may make you feel free such as having your own money, place to stay and car but since I have all those things there is one minor thing that makes me feel free. Bitch, I love not wearing underwear! I never thought that going cool booty could make me feel so good but damn I feel free.
When I was younger the old heads used to tell me that you shouldn’t wear underwear at night so you can let that thang breathe. I would try it sometimes but honestly it felt so uncomfortable for me to have my kitty all exposed. For some strange reason, I would feel like something would just fly up in there. I used to be so judgmental and think that girls who didn’t wear underwear were extra but now I see that they are super smart.
So, I first experienced wearing no underwear this year. I think what happened was I spent the night somewhere and did not have underwear with me and decided to thug it out and go commando. Lord, when I did that I saw the light and haven’t turned back since. The only time I wear underwear is when I have on jeans and at night when my cycle is on. In fact, I know it may sound nasty to some but if my cycle is on, during the day I just plug it up and go. No need for extra friction and moisture. I even hate wearing jeans now because I feel that they suffocate my vagina and Lord knows I used to buy jeans in every wash and fit. I think the older I get I become more aware of my sexual and vaginal health. I actually read that keeping your vagina covered all of the time can promote bacterial and yeasts infections because that area gets moist. I remember being younger and couldn’t wait to wear thongs. All the girls in my class had some and my mom still made me wear those big ass cotton panties with flower prints all over them. Finally, I talked her into buying me some and she bought me two pair. It was a purple Baby Phat pair and a nude pair and honey I washed those things and wore them until I couldn’t anymore. In fact, I HATE thongs now. The only time I wear thongs is when I have on something that requires it, other than that I avoid them at all costs
I just honestly feel like underwear chokes your coochie.
Now, I am pretty sure going cool booty is not for everyone but I think you should try it if you haven’t. Girl, try something different and let that thang breathe!!!
The Single B*tch
I find it funny how when we are used to a relationship being a certain way, we think there is no other way. Even if a situation is not going the way we would like, we tend to make ourselves believe we want something that we do not. It’s not until something better comes along when you realized that you deserve better.
First, let me start off by saying that we women need to stop falling in love with what we hear. True, it feels good for a man to tell us the things that we have been waiting so long to hear but sis we are too old for talk, we need action. If you are involved with a man and his words do not match his efforts and actions, leave before you get too caught up and hurt over expectations. Pay attention to certain patterns like when he decides to call and when he does call what does the conversation consists of. There is nothing okay about your efforts and actions not being reciprocated. Pay attention to the red flags. If his actions are bothering you, tell him. Depending on his response you will know if he is going to try and make it better or not give a fuck. There are only so many times that you should have to tell a man that something is bothering you and his actions continue. After so many times of trying to talk things out and there is no change on his half then sis, you are the crazy one. If a man shows you who he is, believe him!
Ladies we are getting older and there is no room for a man who is not about action. Please know that you deserve and should want better. Life is too short to operate on hopes, dreams and potential. Save your time and energy for someone who will not only meet you half way but shows reciprocity, effort, understanding selflessness.
The Single B*tch
The older and more mature you grow you will notice that a lot of things begin to change. If they haven’t then you aren’t living or evolving and that is a whole different discussion. There may be some changes that are physical, emotional and mental or a combination of all three. You may also notice that some of those changes may be for the better and you may also notice some changes that aren’t so good. Below are some things that I have noticed about myself within the last year.
I just don’t give a fuck– I have never been the type to care too much about something that wasn’t conducive to my life. I have also never been the type to give too much thought into what others thought about me. But the older I get the more I just don’t give a flying fuck. I used to let minor things bother me but if I can’t control it, then I do not think twice about it. As much as I hate this about myself, I like it at the same time.
Moles are everywhere– I once read that drinking alcohol can promote mole growth and I am starting to think that it’s true. When I say I have moles everywhere, I mean it! I have them all over my face, underneath my titties and under my arms. I just thank the good Lord that they are all flat.
My sex drive is through the roof– I have always been a sexual person. Regular is never an option for me when it comes to sex and I absolutely love to talk about it. When I was on birth control I never wanted sex frequently but since I no longer take it, I want it all the time. I honestly wish I could get it as much as I think about it. I’m sure I would be a much happier person.
I don’t do gray areas– I have NEVER been a person that is in between or lukewarm but at times I used to find myself lingering around that gray area. Now I am either hot or cold or black or white, never in between. I guess because I am such a passionate person and either I passionately love or hate it. I never do anything unless I’m 100% sold on it. I don’t care if it’s a career move, my love life or what I want to eat for dinner that night. I have never been a person that thinks “well, it’s just for the moment” or “it will do for now”. If I don’t think twice about it after I see, hear or touch it then I’m completely okay without it.
If you love it let it go– I have never understood this saying until now. I am not sure if this saying is just not elaborated enough or if you have to experience it to understand but now I get it. Here is my interpretation of this quote. I feel that if you love someone and for some reason you and that person are not on the same page and the relationship does not go as expected, maybe it will cause some issues. More than likely you and that person are not communicating effectively and maybe he/she is not putting forth the effort to meet you in the middle. If you are not getting what you need and the other person is not making the necessary steps to compromise and keep you, let it the fuck go. If that person comes back and is showing you that they want to be in your life and that you matter, then it’s yours baby. I know that it was a long explanation but some things are not cut and dry.
Money isn’t everything– Lord I love money and I am positive we all wish we had more of it. I have always thought that I could probably be bought. Basically what I mean is that I used to feel that if a company or opportunity was speaking big bucks then I would be for it no matter the obstacles or pros and cons. It wasn’t until I took on an opportunity that would give me exposure and extra money on the side until I realized how unhappy, mentally and emotionally drained that it left me. I also had a job where I absolutely HATED what I did. I honestly never hated a job as much as I hated this one. It was an hourly job that offered plenty of overtime. Yes, overtime meant more money and more money was what I needed but the money wasn’t worth my happiness and peace of mind. Money isn’t everything and if you can be bought then you have other issues that you need to address.
I’m ready for a committed relationship– I have been single for quite some time and I have never truly wanted a committed relationship until now. I knew I wanted something serious when casual sex no longer satisfied me. I am not dating for fun!
I was born to be an entrepreneur– I always thought that once I found a job that I liked, I would be satisfied. Boy, was I wrong! I had blooming career doing something that I loved but after a while I grew tired of it. A 9 to 5, corporate career or working for someone else just isn’t my thing. I do not like being told when I can take a break, go to lunch and go on vacation. If I am going to be committed to a dream or business, it’s going to be mine. Not everyone is made to be a business owner, it has to be in you and not on you.
The Single Bitch Diaries is my destiny– I started the SB Diaries for fun and it was just an outlet for me to express my feelings. When I realized that other women thought like me and went through similar situations as me, I knew that it had a purpose. I love what I do, and I love bringing women together. The SB Diaries is what I was born to do. I took a break and I almost thought about giving up but then I started receiving tweets and messages asking for blog posts and podcast episodes. During my break, I was able to get my thoughts together and now I am ready to take my baby to new heights. Thanks to each one of you for reading, commenting, subscribing and sharing my blog. Please continue to support my blog and don’t forget to tell your friends about it. I promise it will be worth it!
I HATE networking– I know you all are probably saying that network is essential to your professional career but I honestly dislike it. The thought of me going to mix and mingle events with people that I do not know and will probably never talk to again makes me feel uncomfortable. Honestly, this is 2017 and going to those types of events are a thing of the past in my opinion. I feel that you can get just as much done on social sites or even just going to a bar by yourself and striking up a conversation with the person next to you. I do not feel that it has to be so formal or intentional.
What are some things that you have learned about yourself this year? I encourage each one of you to write a list down and then determine if you would like to get rid of certain habits or continue to make another better. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments of this post or on Instagram.
The Single B*tch