Category Archives: Blog Posts

Caution: Dating While Mommin’. The Real About Dating As A Single Mom Reblog by Momjeansonme

So let’s just start off by saying that dating is already hard enough without having to add a baby to the mix. Being a single mom and dating is overwhelming in itself. And now, I’m a package deal. Lol. It’s like a list of imaginary bullets that we need to check off one by one when meeting a guy and the first one is making sure he realizes that now he has to PLAN! Which I’ve noticed is one of the hardest things for men to do lol. Being a mom you just don’t

blogged by: Momjeansonme

have the luxury to pick up and go wherever and do whatever without first thinking about arrangements for your child. I thought I could just jump right back into the dating scene after I had my son… lol I laughed as I wrote that because of how comical that was. Me trying to learn how to balance baby time, me time and he time. Needless to say, it didn’t quite work out how I planned. Being in a relationship is like having another job and having a man is like having another baby (no offense to my male readers lol) but seriously, it is. It can also be quite draining, at least until you find someone who finally understands and gets it.

Understands your time is much more valuable and limited as a mother. The games, no time for it. Can you meet my son? Absolutely not. Cairo’s two now and he’s met one person that I’ve dated, and that’s because I’ve known this man for almost nine years and trust him. That I don’t play about, bringing randoms around my baby. My sons father isn’t in his life but that doesn’t mean I’m going to jump at the opportunity to bring another male around him just to fulfill that or to make things convenient for me. I’m not going to gamble my child’s happiness on any man, so by dating you… I’m paying you a compliment. It means I think very highly of you to even think about bringing you into my life where my son dwells.
And for my male readers, and mothers take note to this as well… dating a mother doesn’t mean you have to play daddy. It just means you’re part of a family and a role model for a child. If you aren’t ready to step up, then DON’T step to her! Remember when dating a single mom… her time is valuable. You are taking time away from her child so be sure to make it worth it. Don’t expect to always have her, answer every call or text, we’re juggling tons of stuff & and trying to date too.
It took me about a year and some change to finally get the hang of balancing my scale. As mothers when someone enters our life and it’s just easy, there’s consideration, and it flows, it makes us more willing to dedicate and make that time for you. I’ve turned down more men from the time I found out I was pregnant to now more than I did before I had a baby. Cairo got the juice lol. Some men say they understand, some men do understand, and others just don’t. Then I have to add my me time, that I’m definitely not giving up to spend time with anyone because that’s the time I use to recharge and balance back my scale. If I’m no good then I’m not going to be any good for my son or for a man.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always hated dating though, I’m just not into it. I don’t think I even really know how? Lol. Granted I want my happily ever after, which I have every intention on having but right now my focus has just really been about bettering myself for my son and I. For now, I’m not rushing into any relationship with anyone and I’m okay with that because I’m not where I want to be yet, With being a single mom, working, and still having time for myself… adding a man in the mix just isn’t where I’m at right now. Oh, but wait… that doesn’t mean I don’t have my eyes set on who, just for right now my focus has to be elsewhere in order for any relationship to even work.
What helped me in the dating field while trying to get the hang of it was really the fact that I had no choice but to really talk to you and take the time to get to know you before anything else because sometimes that’s all I had time for, when I had the time. Eventually I started making more of an effort on making the time. I couldn’t just expect a man to be understanding and plan things out when I’m not really making an effort to put forth effort… it’s work. But mommy’s let me say this, sometimes we become so engulfed in our children that we tend to forget that we need breaks. Don’t ever let someone make you feel like you don’t deserve to “take a breather” and go on your date. We need to feel nurtured and loved too and not just from our minis (although that unconditional baby love is everything) Cairo’s little baby hands just won’t and can’t do what a mans hands can do when it comes to a back massage, or little things around the house to give you a break.
My idea of a perfect date has changed, I’ve always been the chill type and never have really been into materialistic things so relaxing with my man, watching movies and ordering in or even being cooked for is my ideal date lol. When I have free time if I can relax and be under the boo, I’m super straight. Lol. So to all of my single mama’s that are currently dating or thinking about it, have fun, be safe, and find your balance that works for you!
blooged by: Momjeansonme

 

My New-Found Freedom…Going Cool Booty

There are a lot of things that may make you feel free such as having your own money, place to stay and car but since I have all those things there is one minor thing that makes me feel free. Bitch, I love not wearing underwear! I never thought that going cool booty could make me feel so good but damn I feel free.

When I was younger the old heads used to tell me that you shouldn’t wear underwear at night so you can let that thang breathe. I would try it sometimes but honestly it felt so uncomfortable for me to have my kitty all exposed. For some strange reason, I would feel like something would just fly up in there. I used to be so judgmental and think that girls who didn’t wear underwear were extra but now I see that they are super smart.
So, I first experienced wearing no underwear this year. I think what happened was I spent the night somewhere and did not have underwear with me and decided to thug it out and go commando. Lord, when I did that I saw the light and haven’t turned back since. The only time I wear underwear is when I have on jeans and at night when my cycle is on. In fact, I know it may sound nasty to some but if my cycle is on, during the day I just plug it up and go. No need for extra friction and moisture. I even hate wearing jeans now because I feel that they suffocate my vagina and Lord knows I used to buy jeans in every wash and fit. I think the older I get I become more aware of my sexual and vaginal health. I actually read that keeping your vagina covered all of the time can promote bacterial and yeasts infections because that area gets moist. I remember being younger and couldn’t wait to wear thongs. All the girls in my class had some and my mom still made me wear those big ass cotton panties with flower prints all over them. Finally, I talked her into buying me some and she bought me two pair. It was a purple Baby Phat pair and a nude pair and honey I washed those things and wore them until I couldn’t anymore. In fact, I HATE thongs now. The only time I wear thongs is when I have on something that requires it, other than that I avoid them at all costs
I just honestly feel like underwear chokes your coochie.

Now, I am pretty sure going cool booty is not for everyone but I think you should try it if you haven’t. Girl, try something different and let that thang breathe!!!

Yours Truly,
The Single B*tch

If He Shows You, Believe Him

I find it funny how when we are used to a relationship being a certain way, we think there is no other way. Even if a situation is not going the way we would like, we tend to make ourselves believe we want something that we do not. It’s not until something better comes along when you realized that you deserve better.

First, let me start off by saying that we women need to stop falling in love with what we hear. True, it feels good for a man to tell us the things that we have been waiting so long to hear but sis we are too old for talk, we need action. If you are involved with a man and his words do not match his efforts and actions, leave before you get too caught up and hurt over expectations. Pay attention to certain patterns like when he decides to call and when he does call what does the conversation consists of. There is nothing okay about your efforts and actions not being reciprocated. Pay attention to the red flags. If his actions are bothering you, tell him. Depending on his response you will know if he is going to try and make it better or not give a fuck. There are only so many times that you should have to tell a man that something is bothering you and his actions continue. After so many times of trying to talk things out and there is no change on his half then sis, you are the crazy one. If a man shows you who he is, believe him!

Ladies we are getting older and there is no room for a man who is not about action. Please know that you deserve and should want better. Life is too short to operate on hopes, dreams and potential. Save your time and energy for someone who will not only meet you half way but shows reciprocity, effort, understanding selflessness.

Yours Truly,
The Single B*tch

10 Things I’ve Noticed About Myself

The older and more mature you grow you will notice that a lot of things begin to change. If they haven’t then you aren’t living or evolving and that is a whole different discussion. There may be some changes that are physical, emotional and mental or a combination of all three. You may also notice that some of those changes may be for the better and you may also notice some changes that aren’t so good. Below are some things that I have noticed about myself within the last year.

I just don’t give a fuck– I have never been the type to care too much about something that wasn’t conducive to my life. I have also never been the type to give too much thought into what others thought about me. But the older I get the more I just don’t give a flying fuck. I used to let minor things bother me but if I can’t control it, then I do not think twice about it. As much as I hate this about myself, I like it at the same time.

Moles are everywhere– I once read that drinking alcohol can promote mole growth and I am starting to think that it’s true. When I say I have moles everywhere, I mean it! I have them all over my face, underneath my titties and under my arms. I just thank the good Lord that they are all flat.

My sex drive is through the roof– I have always been a sexual person. Regular is never an option for me when it comes to sex and I absolutely love to talk about it. When I was on birth control I never wanted sex frequently but since I no longer take it, I want it all the time. I honestly wish I could get it as much as I think about it. I’m sure I would be a much happier person.

I don’t do gray areas– I have NEVER been a person that is in between or lukewarm but at times I used to find myself lingering around that gray area. Now I am either hot or cold or black or white, never in between. I guess because I am such a passionate person and either I passionately love or hate it. I never do anything unless I’m 100% sold on it. I don’t care if it’s a career move, my love life or what I want to eat for dinner that night. I have never been a person that thinks “well, it’s just for the moment” or “it will do for now”. If I don’t think twice about it after I see, hear or touch it then I’m completely okay without it.

If you love it let it go– I have never understood this saying until now. I am not sure if this saying is just not elaborated enough or if you have to experience it to understand but now I get it. Here is my interpretation of this quote. I feel that if you love someone and for some reason you and that person are not on the same page and the relationship does not go as expected, maybe it will cause some issues. More than likely you and that person are not communicating effectively and maybe he/she is not putting forth the effort to meet you in the middle. If you are not getting what you need and the other person is not making the necessary steps to compromise and keep you, let it the fuck go. If that person comes back and is showing you that they want to be in your life and that you matter, then it’s yours baby. I know that it was a long explanation but some things are not cut and dry.

Money isn’t everything– Lord I love money and I am positive we all wish we had more of it. I have always thought that I could probably be bought. Basically what I mean is that I used to feel that if a company or opportunity was speaking big bucks then I would be for it no matter the obstacles or pros and cons. It wasn’t until I took on an opportunity that would give me exposure and extra money on the side until I realized how unhappy, mentally and emotionally drained that it left me. I also had a job where I absolutely HATED what I did. I honestly never hated a job as much as I hated this one. It was an hourly job that offered plenty of overtime. Yes, overtime meant more money and more money was what I needed but the money wasn’t worth my happiness and peace of mind. Money isn’t everything and if you can be bought then you have other issues that you need to address.

I’m ready for a committed relationship– I have been single for quite some time and I have never truly wanted a committed relationship until now. I knew I wanted something serious when casual sex no longer satisfied me. I am not dating for fun!

I was born to be an entrepreneur
– I always thought that once I found a job that I liked, I would be satisfied. Boy, was I wrong! I had blooming career doing something that I loved but after a while I grew tired of it. A 9 to 5, corporate career or working for someone else just isn’t my thing. I do not like being told when I can take a break, go to lunch and go on vacation. If I am going to be committed to a dream or business, it’s going to be mine. Not everyone is made to be a business owner, it has to be in you and not on you.

The Single Bitch Diaries is my destiny
– I started the SB Diaries for fun and it was just an outlet for me to express my feelings. When I realized that other women thought like me and went through similar situations as me, I knew that it had a purpose. I love what I do, and I love bringing women together. The SB Diaries is what I was born to do. I took a break and I almost thought about giving up but then I started receiving tweets and messages asking for blog posts and podcast episodes. During my break, I was able to get my thoughts together and now I am ready to take my baby to new heights. Thanks to each one of you for reading, commenting, subscribing and sharing my blog. Please continue to support my blog and don’t forget to tell your friends about it. I promise it will be worth it!

I HATE networking– I know you all are probably saying that network is essential to your professional career but I honestly dislike it. The thought of me going to mix and mingle events with people that I do not know and will probably never talk to again makes me feel uncomfortable. Honestly, this is 2017 and going to those types of events are a thing of the past in my opinion. I feel that you can get just as much done on social sites or even just going to a bar by yourself and striking up a conversation with the person next to you. I do not feel that it has to be so formal or intentional.

What are some things that you have learned about yourself this year? I encourage each one of you to write a list down and then determine if you would like to get rid of certain habits or continue to make another better. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments of this post or on Instagram.

With Love,
The Single B*tch

 

 

 

Woman Up: Teen Mom 2 Season Finale Review

To be honest, I am not a big fan of MTV’s Teen Mom 2 but I have always been a fan of 16 and Pregnant. I was not interested in tuning in this season until I found out that Briana Dejesus was going to be a part of the cast. Her story touched me on 16 and Pregnant and I always wondered how she was after the show. The more I watched her storyline this season the more I realized that the girl and her whole family has some serious fucking issues.

I never liked Teen Mom because I felt that the show was exploiting young moms and their dysfunctional situations. I usually never write posts like these but Briana, her mom and her sister irk the hell out of my soul. Watching them is like watching a fucking

“Teen Mom 3 Star Briana DeJesus is Back for Teen Mom 2 and Brings the Baby Daddy Drama with Her”
Credit: MTV

trainwreck.Throughout the season I have always felt that Briana and her family was the most dysfunctional and I will tell you why. First and foremost as a single mother you should not make the same mistake twice when it comes to parenting. If you chose an ain’t shit baby daddy the first time, don’t choose one the second time around. Girl at least make an upgrade. Hell I’m pretty sure she knew Luis (her second baby daddy) was a deadbeat because Briana already stated that he has a daughter from a previous relationship that he doesn’t see. And if she was going to choose a deadbeat at least choose a deadbeat with money so your child will not have to want for anything. As a single mom, unfortunately, you should always be prepared to take care of your child on your own. No, it should not be that way but if you are having a child in a relationship without a solid foundation then get ready to take on multiple roles.  A man should definitely step up to the plate and be the father that a child deserves but how can he when he has a gang of bitter women (Bri, her mom and her sister) on his case every time he is around? It seems like it is completely impossible to keep these women satisfied unless you are doing exactly what they want and how they want it. Thirdly, Briana needs to learn how to fight her own battles and leave her mom and sister out of her situations. No man wants to deal with a weak baby mother and her bitter and rude family.  If you were woman enough to lay down and make a baby then you should be twice that woman and handle matters regarding your kids without your mom and sister. What I have observed is that there is some type of cycle going on and it needs to be broken before it passes onto Briana’s daughters. Roxanne, Briana’s mom, seems to have some deep rooted issues herself and obviously her daughters have absorbed some of those issues. If you never had your father around, why wouldn’t you want the opposite for your children? If a man is trying then meet him half way, if he doesn’t then it is his lost and no matter how hard it is you have to keep it moving. Although Briana irritates me more than having to make multiple trips from my car to my house after grocery shopping, it would not be right if I did not lend some advice, whether it is wanted or not.

 

As a woman you have to take some accountability for the wrongs that you have made. As a mother, you have to realize that it is always about the children and they must come first. Some how and some way you have to find a way to work with and not against the father. My advice for Briana would be to tell her mom and sister to find some dick and some extracurricular activities to consume their time so Briana and her kids can have a healthy functional relationship with their fathers.

With Love,

The Single B*tch

Giveaway Time!!!

Every once in a while I like to collaborate with female entrepreneurs and do a giveaway. This time around I am working with 525 Jewelry Co. and they will be giving away a handmade stackable bracelet. 525 Jewelry Co makes handmade bracelets, necklaces, waist beads and other accessories for men, women and children and each month they donate a portion of their sales to a good cause. For information about the giveaway please visit my Instagram page and while you’re at it make sure you pre the follow button.

 

My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesinglebitchdiaries/

525 Jewelry Co : https://www.instagram.com/525jewelco/

 

What Do You Really Miss?

Breakups, we have all been there a time or two. Even if you did not experience a breakup, you know what it feels like to work towards something and it not work out. During the new-found time alone you may experience plenty of emotions and maybe some emptiness. Sometimes I wonder if it is the person that you will miss or could it be the routine and the idea of a relationship or having someone around? I think it can be a mixture of all those things plus more.

When you have been single for a while and then you find yourself in a relationship it can be a pretty tough journey. I also think that when things do not work out after you have been single for an extended period it seems to sting a little more than usual. One minute you’re getting good morning texts daily and then suddenly your phone is dryer than an unconditioned scalp. You go from looking forward to date nights to going to bed early on a Friday night. Oh, and let me not mention how you go from getting regular dick to using your hand or going to the nearest sex store. Lord knows I get tired of my remote and phone sharing the other side of my bed with me. No lie, I’m so used to sleeping alone that one side of my mattress has a dip in it. With that being said, sometimes I wonder if we actually miss the company of that particular person or do we just miss having company? Do we miss being in a relationship or do we just hate the fact that now we are alone? Are we sad that the relationship ended or are we just hurt that we invested time into something that turned to shit? Hell, sometimes even missing his/her family is enough to make you feel like shit. I think determining the cause of the hurt then dealing with it will help you get over it a lot sooner.

Dealing with a breakup can be hard but don’t let it take a toll on you. I know it’s easier said than done but you will get over it. I promise you that you have probably been through more tough experiences and if you haven’t, you will. If you sit down and put some thought into the person you were with, were they even that important to you or was it more about what you put in? Think about that and then see if you still feel the same afterwards. You will probably still feel a little hurt but if it turns out that the person did not hold much weight in your life, then it will make moving on that much easier.

Love always,
The Single B*tch

Levels To This Shit: The Stages of Dating

Listen maybe I am stuck in high school when dating was much more simple. I am used to the days when you would be conversing with someone for a few weeks and then BOOM yall are together. Of course as adults we have way much more to consider but damn why does it have to be so difficult? Hell, even college wasn’t as half bad when it came to dating but this adult dating shit is for the birds. I just can’t seem to wrap my head around the concept of dating. It seems that many people have their own idea of what dating is and how it should be approached. Due to recent chatter up and down my Facebook timeline I think I have gathered what seems to be the stages of dating.

Talking- When you first meet someone you guys are talking maybe daily and may go on a few dates here and there and is the stage before you decide to date. In my opinion this stage is elementary as fuck. Like talking? WTF is talking? Hell I talk to a lot of people on a daily basis.

Casual Dating- Now this is strictly my opinion but here goes nothing. I think casual dating is when you are not in search of a serious relationship and you are just seeking company from time to time and entertainment. When you are casually dating, I feel that there is no pressure whatsoever. There is no pressure to talk, see each other, go on dates or have sex. I feel that during this stage you may see the other person once a week, once a month or hell maybe even once every two months. When you aren’t looking for anything serious you owe the other person nothing. This is what I was talking about in my previous post when I stated that I can only date more than one person when I’m not looking for something serious.

Dating-Listen, at this point I feel that you should have it already made up in your mind that you are seeking a serious relationship. More than likely you should have one person that you are pursuing and you are trying to see if they are worth committing to. You guys should be going on dates and seeing each other regularly. Also at this point there should be talk about meeting the kids if any of you have any from a previous relationship. If the other person isn’t putting forth the effort to make plans then they aren’t interested in taking the next step with you.

Committed Relationship- You finally made it damnit. At this point it’s you two and no one else. You guys should be trying to maintain what you both have started and making your bond even stronger. You are meeting each other’s family and friends. You should be trying to see if this could possibly lead to marriage.

Now these are just my opinions and feel free to state your opinion below or visit my Instagram Continue reading Levels To This Shit: The Stages of Dating

A Mistake That I Won’t Make Again

They say you should never make the same mistake twice because after the first time it’s a choice. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. Some had heavier consequences than others and some never effected me. Recently I made a choice to do something because I chose to follow my heart and emotions. I never thought it was a problem until I found myself upset, disappointed and let down.  Continue reading A Mistake That I Won’t Make Again

What Did You Learn?

Every experience that you go through should be an opportunity to learn. I guess that is why people say that experience is the best teacher. Not only should you apply what you have learned from failed business ventures, your everyday experiences in your career and with mistakes that you have made with your money but you should also apply them to failed relationships.

I HATE admitting to people how long I have been single because I do not want to be judged. But I am assuming this should be a judgement free atmosphere so I guess I will tell you. I have been single for ten long years. Yes, I have dated in between time and those situations did not turn serious and to tell you the truth I am thankful for that. I could go on and on about my ten-year run but I will save that for another day.

During my time alone I honestly wasn’t ready for a serious relationship but last year I figured that it was time. Unfortunately, I did not find someone I was interested in until recently and I was finally excited to start something new. I do not want to go into great detail about the situation but I will say that he was a great guy, good heart but I did see some red flags. The red flags were not something that he was doing to intentionally hurt me, but it did. I am huge on making plans and sticking to those plans. Life happens, shit happens and sometimes you just don’t feel like going with the plans but you should always be able to communicate and let people know if something in your day changes that would alter your plans. That’s just called respect and having common courtesy. When someone fails to spend time or make plans with me, I feel unwanted and unimportant and I don’t like that shit one bit. I saw those red flags earlier on but ignored them because I had hope for the situation, I thought that maybe I could be patient enough to help change his habits and it was so inconsistent that sometimes I couldn’t even tell if what was happening was wrong or not. I also was extremely frustrated because he saw nothing wrong with what he was doing. True, he probably didn’t but it doesn’t make it right. If someone that you care about expresses how unhappy they are with something that you are doing you should be able to compromise and sacrifice just to make the relationship better. Like my good ole girls Xscape said “what I need from you is understandddddiiiing, how can we communicate if you don’t hear what I say…”. Understanding, communication, respect and compromise is what I needed but I wasn’t given that. I saw the red flags and ignored them, but I guarantee that I won’t let it happen again. I learned a couple of things from that situation…

What I learned was that you should never ignore the red flags. What I also learned is that if it doesn’t make you happy leave it alone, never give up too much of what you want without reciprocity and put yourself first. I am sure each relationship will have its faults but if the other person is not willing to modify or take into consideration what matters to you then chuck the deuces. So, my questions to you are what have you learned from your past relationships and how will you apply it to your next?

Love Always,
The Single B*tch