So let’s just start off by saying that dating is already hard enough without having to add a baby to the mix. Being a single mom and dating is overwhelming in itself. And now, I’m a package deal. Lol. It’s like a list of imaginary bullets that we need to check off one by one when meeting a guy and the first one is making sure he realizes that now he has to PLAN! Which I’ve noticed is one of the hardest things for men to do lol. Being a mom you just don’t
have the luxury to pick up and go wherever and do whatever without first thinking about arrangements for your child. I thought I could just jump right back into the dating scene after I had my son… lol I laughed as I wrote that because of how comical that was. Me trying to learn how to balance baby time, me time and he time. Needless to say, it didn’t quite work out how I planned. Being in a relationship is like having another job and having a man is like having another baby (no offense to my male readers lol) but seriously, it is. It can also be quite draining, at least until you find someone who finally understands and gets it.
Understands your time is much more valuable and limited as a mother. The games, no time for it. Can you meet my son? Absolutely not. Cairo’s two now and he’s met one person that I’ve dated, and that’s because I’ve known this man for almost nine years and trust him. That I don’t play about, bringing randoms around my baby. My sons father isn’t in his life but that doesn’t mean I’m going to jump at the opportunity to bring another male around him just to fulfill that or to make things convenient for me. I’m not going to gamble my child’s happiness on any man, so by dating you… I’m paying you a compliment. It means I think very highly of you to even think about bringing you into my life where my son dwells.
And for my male readers, and mothers take note to this as well… dating a mother doesn’t mean you have to play daddy. It just means you’re part of a family and a role model for a child. If you aren’t ready to step up, then DON’T step to her! Remember when dating a single mom… her time is valuable. You are taking time away from her child so be sure to make it worth it. Don’t expect to always have her, answer every call or text, we’re juggling tons of stuff & and trying to date too.
It took me about a year and some change to finally get the hang of balancing my scale. As mothers when someone enters our life and it’s just easy, there’s consideration, and it flows, it makes us more willing to dedicate and make that time for you. I’ve turned down more men from the time I found out I was pregnant to now more than I did before I had a baby. Cairo got the juice lol. Some men say they understand, some men do understand, and others just don’t. Then I have to add my me time, that I’m definitely not giving up to spend time with anyone because that’s the time I use to recharge and balance back my scale. If I’m no good then I’m not going to be any good for my son or for a man.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always hated dating though, I’m just not into it. I don’t think I even really know how? Lol. Granted I want my happily ever after, which I have every intention on having but right now my focus has just really been about bettering myself for my son and I. For now, I’m not rushing into any relationship with anyone and I’m okay with that because I’m not where I want to be yet, With being a single mom, working, and still having time for myself… adding a man in the mix just isn’t where I’m at right now. Oh, but wait… that doesn’t mean I don’t have my eyes set on who, just for right now my focus has to be elsewhere in order for any relationship to even work.
What helped me in the dating field while trying to get the hang of it was really the fact that I had no choice but to really talk to you and take the time to get to know you before anything else because sometimes that’s all I had time for, when I had the time. Eventually I started making more of an effort on making the time. I couldn’t just expect a man to be understanding and plan things out when I’m not really making an effort to put forth effort… it’s work. But mommy’s let me say this, sometimes we become so engulfed in our children that we tend to forget that we need breaks. Don’t ever let someone make you feel like you don’t deserve to “take a breather” and go on your date. We need to feel nurtured and loved too and not just from our minis (although that unconditional baby love is everything) Cairo’s little baby hands just won’t and can’t do what a mans hands can do when it comes to a back massage, or little things around the house to give you a break.
My idea of a perfect date has changed, I’ve always been the chill type and never have really been into materialistic things so relaxing with my man, watching movies and ordering in or even being cooked for is my ideal date lol. When I have free time if I can relax and be under the boo, I’m super straight. Lol. So to all of my single mama’s that are currently dating or thinking about it, have fun, be safe, and find your balance that works for you!