Judge me if you want but we all have been in some positions that we aren’t proud of. There are a lot of things that I wish I can change when it comes to love and men and one of those things is being in love with her man. I wish controlling who you have feelings for were as easy as turning a light switch on and off. I never understood how falling in love is so easy but falling out of it is so hard.
See I’m currently trying to let him be happily ever happy with who he is currently with but sitting here with the long-lasting memories won’t let me. Firstly let me be clear, we currently do not have anything to do with each other but I can’t get him off my mind. At certain times I think of nothing but him. The summer time, any other man who is a cancer, the month of June, Versace cologne and the scent of cigars reminds me of him. We have a history that many may not know about or those who do may not understand. I feel like what we have is unfinished and the chapter isn’t closed. I swear that I have the worst luck when it comes to the department of love. It’s like I can never have who or what I want. It’s not the fact that he is with her that bothers me. What bothers me is the fact that he isn’t with me because he feels that he can’t be. When it comes to love you can’t have any pride. I am not sure if you all knew this or not but pride never helps it only hurts. I am a woman and I know how it feels to be hurt so my goal is to not see her hurt but when I am feeling what I am feeling I don’t have her in mind. I can be honest, I know I am selfish but hell I just want to be happy. I know that life isn’t over yet but I’m wondering how much longer do I have to wait. I don’t want to wait until the next lifetime when we are butterflies or for us to come back as an older Asian couple. I want him now while I am me and he is him. What gives me some type of comfort at night is that I know that he thinks of me too. He and I have been through so much, the situations that we have made it through makes us close. We have a connection. It feels like we are light years away because I can’t see him but for some odd reason I can feel him. What I don’t understand is how you can live life with someone else when you know that deep inside you desire someone who isn’t her. Maybe it is just me but I know she can’t give him what I can. She can’t deal with his ups and downs like I will. He doesn’t need a yes woman, he needs the best woman…ME.
I am pretty sure I will meet someone else who can make me very happy but the only person I want is him. I don’t want a little d*%k on the side, I don’t want a little trip to the bar and I don’t want a text now and then. I want all of him or none of him at all. I don’t want to get the lust while she is getting love or getting nightcaps when she is getting a date night in watching movies and laying in his lap. if he didn’t have a girlfriend I can honestly say that I would accept him and whatever came with him because I wouldn’t have to worry about another woman or feel used because I would have no one for him to compare me to. Believe me I know that I can have any other man but right now what I want is in her hands…
-The Single B*tch