Some of us do not always have the conventional type of family. Sometimes things happen and both parents cannot be in the same home with their child(ren). It could be because of a divorce, a break-up or the fact that you both were never together. My child’s father and I get along pretty well. I may have some things that I do not like, have issues or disagree with when it comes to just he and I but honestly I could not ask for my child to have a better father. If the only thing that he and I have in common is our child and the only relationship that we have is co-parenting then my only issue is our son and his well-being. Even though I may have thoughts and feelings about other things but I chose to pick my battles wisely and let him be the good parent that I know he is. To sum it all up…I think our situation is damn near perfect but unfortunately it is not the same for others.
I have had some readers send me e-mails and submit questions concerning “baby daddy” and co-parenting issues so I decided to give out some tips based on what works for me and my child’s father. Now keep in mind I am no expert on any topic but if I feel that I am pretty knowledgeable about something then I will throw my opinion out there. . I also understand that not all situations are able to be worked out and need extra time because it takes two to make it work. Below are some things that I think could help improve a situation where parents can learn to co-exist while co-parenting
Let go of the past– It is pretty common for people to hold onto the past to the point where it affects their future. A situation can never progress if you are constantly bringing up the past and holding a person to their mistakes. Baggage is heavy y’all…
Communication is key– I have always said that sometimes is not what you say but how you say it. Learning how to effectively communicate is detrimental. I think it is almost impossible for any type of relationship to survive if there is no good communication. If it is possible I would say text less and call more. Learn how to articulate exactly how you feel. Try not to yell at each other or use profanity. And do not assume what the other will say, think or feel.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.-Respect goes both ways. You cannot demand what you are not willing to provide. I HATE double standards. Do not do something that you would not want your child’s mother/father doing. At the end of the day the other person is a part of your child as well. Try not to bash, talk negatively or be unsupportive of the other. Please realize that if the mother/father of your child is not doing well then that means your child is not either.
Keep things private– It is okay to vent to a close friend every now and then but there is no need to broadcast all of your personal business to anyone who will listen.
Try therapy– This is something that I have been meaning to try myself. I would love for my son’s father and me to do this. Sometimes you may just need to let someone who is unbiased try to help you both understand the other. It also would not hurt to emotionally express yourself and I think it would provide some relief. People can be really hurt and bruised from previous experiences and issues and need help getting through it.
Involve a third party– if you and your child’s parent cannot even stand to look or be around each other try to involve someone else outside the relationship. Let me clarify. If it takes someone to be in the middle that can take the child to the other’s house or help pacify the situation then do so.
Take responsibility– If you have done something that you know was wrong…OWN UP TO IT!!! Do not make up excuses of why you did something just say you did it because you wanted to. Be accountable for your words and actions. Just because you felt like it was right does not mean that it was. We all have made mistakes…just say you did too.
Without any explanation try to remain open minded, understanding, honest, flexible, compromising and remember that your child is not a paycheck. Last but not least…
IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU….ITS ABOUT THE CHILD. DO NOT BE SELFISH!!!!!