Sometimes I…

Sometimes I wish that I was more courageous, outgoing and daring. I wish that I felt more confident about my body and every other imperfection. Some days I feel so damn unpretty and other days I feel like the most beautiful girl in the room. Sometimes I wish I knew how the f*ck I really feel and then there are times when I think I have it all figured out. There are moments when I am comfortable with being alone and other moments I feel so unwanted and lonely. Sometimes I wish I did not feel that the only two men who love me are my father and my son. Sometimes I wish I was not so damn real and maybe that I way I would be a lot further in life.

As much as I hide it sometimes I wish I was not so insecure. I wish I was not so damn cheap to buy internet and that way I would not have to drain my phone battery because I am using hotspot. Sometimes I was I had a different cell phone carrier and that way I would not miss phone calls and I can keep up with my social networking. Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t so sexual and I would be okay with this dry spell I am going through. There are times that I wish I wasn’t so vulgar and I could be the little southern belle that I know I am. I wish that men were not so superficial so they can accept my short hair and edgy look. Sometimes I wish I could wrap my hair up in a turban, wear a flowing dress with little to no makeup (I have to fill in my eyebrows though) but still feel like a super model.

Some days I wish that I could drink more classy drinks like wine and fruity cocktails instead of my bubbly ice cold beer. There are times when I wish I did not have good values and self-respect so that I could f*ck my way to the top instead of doing things the right way. Sometimes I wish that I was not so misunderstood and you can understand how the hell I really feel. At times I wish I did not have these stretch marks but I love my son. Sometimes I wish that I was more than just a “baby mama.” Sometimes I wish that my son’s father could relate and feel where the f*ck I am coming from. Sometimes I wish that I could see the good in myself so that I can see the good in others.

One day I hope that how I sometimes feel would disappear and I can accept that everything may not go as planned but I can always face the inevitable and life’s flaws….

With Love,

The Single B*tch

2 thoughts on “Sometimes I…”

  1. We are all battling with our personal insecurities. I read somewhere that the thing that messes us up or allows us to not be grateful is the picture in our head that tell us what it’s “supposed to be like”. I struggle with things based on the “picture and my mind”, but I try and remind myself of all the amazing things that have happen that I didn’t plan and that’s let’s me know the God’s plan is so much better and it includes our imperfections 🙂

    Btw, I’m reading all your blog post, you’re doing great!

    1. You could not be more correct! I’ve actually been battling with that for a while and not just with specific situations but with life period. Whether it’s professional or personal. Expectations have me messed up! Lol thank you so much for reading!!!!

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