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A Note To Women In Relationships

A blossoming relationship is a beautiful thing but if I could give one piece of advice to women in relationships it would be, DO NOT FORGET ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS!!!

When you are in love you just want to be around your man and bask in his presence and that is okay but nothing irks me more than a woman who neglects other areas in her life. Love is not easy to find and finding a good man is even harder but TRUE FRIENDS are rare to come by. What I find even more annoying about women like this is when her man and her are having issues the first person she wants to call is her friend. When her man and she have reached the end of their relationship she is going to call you to sit around the house to drink wine and listen to slow jams while she cries. Now I do not know about you but I am not with this type of shit. If you did not think enough of me to call and see if I was still breathing or to even wonder if I a needed a shoulder to cry on then I do not see a benefit of having you in my life. Of course you want to be there because you are a good friend but I tend to hesitate when I feel that those actions have not been reciprocated. I know sometimes people do things that can hurt people that they are unaware of but some things are true character flaws that I just do not dig. I take friendship very seriously and I know relationships are not about give and take but do not expect me to be there on your terms. This comes off very selfish and disloyal to me.

The last thing I am going to say is do not take your friends for granted. Men may come and go but true friends are there to stay. Treat people how you want to be treated and show the type of love that you would like to receive.

Yours Truly,
The Single B*tch

I Want That Old Thing Back

Every now and again I will wake up with an epiphany and realize that I want that old thing back. One thing I never liked about myself is the fact that I can treat a guy that I once dated like I never knew him. I feel that there is no point of still communicating if we no longer date. There have only been a few rare occurrences where I still keep in contact with someone I have dated because we were good friends first. I guess to have me thinking about him years later, he must have been special.

I met him in college and we were always friends. He was one of those guys that I have always subconsciously had feelings for. Calling him for advice turned into quick conversations turned into text messages, then long phone calls, then drunken high nights that turned into leg shaking sex. He made me feel comfortable and I was not afraid to be myself with him. We gave each other good laughs and nights that turned into mornings. I could not even tell you how we ended. I think we were mutually caught up in other situations that took prevalence at the moment. So we fizzled out…

Sometimes you never realize how much of a good thing you and he had. I guess as you mature you realize how much he would have been a good fit for you. Sometimes I think I get in my nostalgic moods and I want to relive the past and feel good like that old memory made me feel.  Then other times I think that maybe a shot at a second go round can be better than the first. Then knowing myself I think I just like the comfort of knowing that he is a familiar face. I hate finding someone new sometimes. Then to be quite honest I just want something to make me feel good…I just want to have fun.

Who knows, maybe my old thing can turn into a good thing and we can give it a shot again.

 

With Love,

The Single B*tch

What Is Your Defense Mechanism?

We all go through hurt from time to time. Some of us can deal with negative situations better than others. The rest of us just find a way to deal with the pain. Some reactions are innate and others are built and accumulated through time. After situation, relationship, situationship and whatever the hell else, I realized that I have accumulated a little (okay maybe a lot) of debris. To help prevent me from feeling anymore pain I realized that I have developed a defense mechanism.

My defense mechanism is my guard to defend myself against love.

Deep inside I feel a lot of different emotions. Sometimes I cry, laugh, get angry and other times I just let whatever happened roll off my shoulders. So I recently connected with someone I used to date and he told me that I was one of the hardest girls that he has ever met. At first, in a weird way, I took this as a compliment but later on I realized that continuously having a guard up is not healthy. After talking to him I brought this up to a friend and she told me “you have no emotions”. Now for some reason this shocked me. When I sat back and thought about it I realized that they were not the only ones who have said this to me, others have too. I guess my heart grew cold to preserve it from every getting broken again. I was watching Modern Family one day and Phil said that his dad is like a candy that has a hard shell but has a lot of candy inside. I was like “that’s me!!! That explains me perfectly”. But I wonder what it will take to soften my shell to get to the chewiness deep within?

When it comes to love, I should not have to defend myself against it. Love is not the enemy…

Yours Truly,

The Single B*tch

Just A Reminder…

It is so important to love yourself.

In today’s society it is so easy to get caught up in who you should be, who you want to be, who you think you should be and what others want you to be. As single women we always think that maybe something is wrong with us so then we try to change ourselves into what we think men want. Never forget who you are and in order for someone else to love you, you have to love yourself first.

I learned the hard way that you can never make a man love you. Quit making yourself available to the men who will not make themselves available to you. Please know your worth. Stop putting in full-time energy into a man who only gives you half of that. Never compromise what you want in a man and a relationship just because you do not want to be alone. I rather be alone, horny and happy than be sexually satisfied but still hurting. Remember that sex does not fill a void of real love. Do not ever confuse love and lust.

Do not let your insecurities and many fail attempts at love define you. You are a beautifully, specially designed undefinable creature who deserves everything good in life. When you are not right within it reflects on the outside and can affect your every thought and move. Real love is worth the wait. We all know that Rome was not built in one day and we all are a work in progress. Hurt and pain are sometimes inevitable but you will make it through and you will come out better than how you came in. Allow yourself time to heal and then you will see that finding, molding and developing yourself is the best thing that could have happened to you. Do not be afraid to love again and give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to start all over. Never give up hope and know that when the queen is ready the king will come.

With Love,

The Single B*tch

Don’t Be Fooled…Women Trick Off Too

Normally we hear about men spending or giving money to women or buying them things. A lot of times men will trick off for women who they want the attention of, and in exchange for the woman’s time they will buy them things. Nine times out of ten the man and woman are not together because if they were he would not have to lure her with superficial things. The older I become I realize that we women do it too. In fact I think we do it more often than men do.

For those of you who are not familiar with the term “trick off” it means to give money or material things to someone for their time, affection, attention and in some cases SEX. For decades women have been taking care of men and treating them like their sons. I have seen some women who are caught up in love providing a roof over her “man’s” head, clothing them, feeding them and letting them use their car. Oh and lets be clear MONEY CANNOT BUY YOU TRUE LOVE. Now in this case I am not talking about a leaching ass situation. I am talking about a non-committed, give and take and no strings attached situation where you have met a guy who had sex so good that you were willing to pay bills, buy shoes and cook him breakfast at 8 o’clock in the morning. We have all met a guy who we knew was not worth a damn but we did not care because he satisfied you sexually. Now I am no advocate for supporting a man who does not work but listen if all you want is a play toy and not expecting anything in return then be my guest, I see nothing wrong!

They say p***y is power but I say the penis has some mighty power too. To the ladies who are reading this and disagree or think it is dumb then you probably have never had great wood and I feel bad for you.

Sincerely,

The Single B*tch

I Do Not Want To Be That Woman

It amazes me how I look around and so many women are single. What amazes me even more are the amount of middle-aged women who have never been married. Do not get me wrong marriage is not for everyone and personally I think that if that floats your boat then who am I to judge? You have many women who have been married, divorced and now they are back on the dating scene again. Then you have that woman scorned who is bitter and male bashes every second she can. What I fear most is one day being that bitter middle-aged woman who has never experienced true love, living alone with a one-eyed cat and mad at the world.

I always imagined myself being a modern-day woman on the go with my luxury car, making six-figures at a fortune 500 company, living in a high-rise apartment in the city, with a loving happy child and exciting life. Currently I am a woman on the go who feels like I am going nowhere, with a wonderful child and working at a fortune 500 company for nickels and dimes. The funny this is that I never put in a man in my hopeful future life. I have never been that little girl who dreamed of her wedding day or what my dress would look like until now. Ironically I wanted my child first and then marriage. It may seem like I am afraid of commitment or marriage but I always knew how serious it is and it is something that takes a lot of thought and time. I am becoming afraid that I am going to be that woman who will be single forever and never married. Truth be told I am just in my mid-twenties so I guess I have a little time left but I think what bothers me is that I have been single for seven years and I think I have been in love once but it was with someone who did not even belong to me. So what is a girl to do, think or feel?

This day and age the idea of what a relationship should be is totally different. So many women are single and even struggling with wanting to love someone but cannot or even struggling with loving themselves. Why do you all think that the number of middle-aged single women is so high? Is it problems with the men wanting to have their cake and eat it too or do women just expect too much? We all cannot be a Miranda of Sex and the City, some of us want to be a Charlotte.

Yours Truly,

The Single B*tch

Dear Good Men,

We know you are out there
And while we pray to meet you one day
Our diabolical passion for revenge…
Keeps us focused and gravitated
Chasing
Away the good men that we befriend
Men that are opposite of them
The ones who parade around gallantly
Boasting and bragging
About their many women and has beens
Passing
Up the good women who love hard
Then leave us with no regard
Guarding
Our happiness and dissipating
Our love into madness, now we’re reciprocating…
Illustrating
The same thing we’ve experienced
Thinking all men are the same, no different
Vigilant
Of anyone who’s too close for comfort
Because our souls have died down to a slumber
Blunder
On our behalf because of a few mishaps
We look pass you good men and relapse
Entrapped
Into a continuous cycle of heartache
Unfamiliar with loving anything but pain
Plagued
By history which continues to repeat itself
Because it has proven that we don’t just do bad by ourselves
Helped
By the cheaters, abusers, liars and deceivers
We end up forfeiting the fairytale we dreamed of
Perceiving
That all of us black women are bitter and angry
And we bring the same to society with the daughters we’re raising
Changing
That perception would be you good men that still want us
Even through our inabilities to love you, you still love us
And on behalf of our fuck ups
We apologize…. don’t give up on us

LOVE ALWAYS,
A BITTER,  BROKEN, BLACK WOMAN

Author: Victoria CaMille

IG: @lyrical.love.jones

Good Sex Can Sometimes Be So Bad

Good d*ck will make a girl lose her mind!!! I wonder if there are any classes that you can enroll in to help you get over good wood?

Good grief I do not know why it is so hard to get over amazing sex. I don’t care if he just hit it once or maybe even twice but I swear you will spend your life trying to chase that same feeling but to be honest it does not compare if it is not with that same person. It is like when you get a taste of some GREAT peen all common sense goes out of the window. The worst sex to have is with someone who does not belong totally to you or someone who is not on the same page as you. I do not care what anyone says but good sex is very hard to come by but why is it that good sex with the wrong person is so easy to get into but hard to get out of? Something that feels so right can end up so bad when it is with the wrong person.

Here is one of my many stories…

Girl, so I saw this guy at the bar one night and I was instantly attracted to him. See I am the type of person that is more attracted to characteristics and demeanor than physical attributes (how someone looks is still important) but I still have a certain type of guy that will make me melt and HE HAD IT ALL!!!! He was about 6’4, 230 lbs, dark smooth skin, his bone structure was perfectly chiseled, full lips and big beautiful eyes. I found out that he was a few years younger than me so I just knew that I was going to show him a thing or two and have his mind gone and boy was I wrong. From the second he opened his mouth I knew he was not worth sh*t but I was not looking for anything serious so I said what the hell I will just have my fun. But of course you had to take the good with the bad. From what I observed he had no job, he did not take things seriously, he went to school on scholarship and blew it and had a strong fixation to the ganja. Now I do not judge anyone who has a vice because I have mine but it is a totally different story when it is your priority. So we texted here and there and had the normal get to know you conversations. He met my friends and me one night at a hookah bar and we vibed so well together but when he asked me out to the movies the next night I was shocked (being that I have not been on a date in ages). It felt good to get dressed up and spend some time with someone who you have interest in. The sexual attraction that I had towards him was so strong that I actually got aroused just by sitting next to him in the movies. I think the reason I was so sexually attracted to him was because it is rare that I find someone who fits the description of what I physically like. After that night he was extremely distant and I figured something was wrong. The fool got upset because in a drunken ramble offered to pay for the movies and did not. I mean geesh please do not hold me accountable for anything that I say when I consume gin. We finally linked up again one late night and my goodness…what he had dangling between his legs was enough to make me pay his car note (if he had one) for 6 months. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING THAT BIG IN PERSON! Honestly he is in the top 2 of the best sex ever. The only reason he is not number one is because we lacked the mental and emotional connection. We were supposed to hang out after than but it never happened. To this day…I will never forget the blessing this man has bestowed upon me.

How can a man be so evil to only give you some amazing peen once??!?!? How do you get over such good sex? They say a way to get over one man is to get up under another but to be honest I am not trying to test drive someone else and waste a number. That would be like having a strong craving for pasta but you receive a hot dog instead…I WANT HIM!!! Lol

Yours Truly,

The Single B*tch

I Do Not Know Why We Ignore The Signs

I think it is quite ridiculous how all of the signs of why we should not involve ourselves with someone could be right in front of us but we seem to always ignore them. It is human nature to always want what we cannot have or what is bad for us. When we try to diet we always want something unhealthy. When we try to remain sober we always want a stiff drink (this is a toughy for me). When we try to abstain from sex that is when we are the horniest and all the peen that you once wanted is being thrown at you left and right. Before I leave this Earth I would love to get to the bottom of why we are so intrigued by what is out of our reach.

Now I do not claim to know much about men but I feel that one thing is true…they are habitual! When a man begins to be inconsistent, something is wrong! Let me tell you what happened to me. I started dating this guy that I knew in my childhood and we dated for about 6 months strong. Like everything was right. We saw each other every weekend, if I had car problems he would fix them, he would bring me around his family, we actually went on dates and we communicated pretty well. A little more than half way through the 6 months he would go days without calling me and would say his phone was off. We would also make plans for dates and he would never show or never call back. He did all of those things for months. Right then and there I knew something was wrong but I didn’t want to believe it. It was not until I got a call from his girlfriend who he was with for 5 years, lived out-of-state and was planning on moving to Georgia. I was hurt, appalled and somewhat shocked. But the signs were right in front of my face…

For us women we always fall victim to this issue, and in a way to ourselves, because it seems that we ignore all of the red flags when it comes to men. I seem to always involve myself with men who have too much baggage, a criminal record, not ready for commitment, dishonest or who have some type of situation going on. I try to justify this situation by telling myself that at least I am aware of his faults and what I want out of the situation. But this still does not make it right if you find yourself getting disappointed by the outcome. I do not know if we are just intrigued by the unknown or if it feels good to “sneak” and do something or if we think we can somewhat change the situation. In some ways I believe we do not want to believe it because it will make whatever is wrong true. For some, including myself, it is always easier not knowing. Lord knows my intuition has kicked in more than a few times and I just push it right on to the side. Personally for me I cannot be thrilled with a good time and then say no. I think for so long I have always tried to do the right thing or take extra precautions that I never did what pleased me. What is sad about this all is that we know what we are getting ourselves into but when the walls come tumbling down we act shocked that it happened.

I think it is time we take charge of our lives and feelings and do what is beneficial to us in the long run. We need to take the time out to learn and, most importantly, love ourselves and we will see that soon we can careful about the time we may lose by dealing with someone who is no good.

Sincerely,

The Single B*tch

Independent Woman Syndrome

Hi my name is The Single B*tch, first name The Single last name B*tch, and I too suffer from the Independent Woman Syndrome.

If you just take a look around us you can see that the world is constantly changing and evolving. Some changes are good and some may not be but I guess it all depends on who you ask. It seems that people do not adjust well to change especially when it deviates from the norm or what some consider traditional. What seems to be the norm now are women migrating to roles that were once held by men. Women are no longer barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. Women are now business owners, entrepreneurs, CEOs, the family breadwinners and homeowners. I personally feel that some women are used to doing everything on their own that if a man enters their life they would not know how to let a man be a man. I think some women are so independent to the point where it handicaps them when it comes to love and relationships if you are not willing to compromise. I have heard older women say that a man does not want a woman who they feel they cannot provide for. I disagree…I think that only applies to insecure and weak men.

I have my own home, car, job, money, benefits and I withhold a degree. I also have a child that I help provide for and I purchase my own clothes, shoes and pay my own bills. Since I have become a mother I find myself becoming a bit more controlling, demanding, aggressive and no-nonsense because I feel that I have to be. These characteristics seem to spill over to my romantic relationships as well. I had a guy tell me that some “men” rather have a woman that does not have as much as them because at any point and time she can leave and have any other man that she wants. I thought this was absurd. At times I think I am “too much” for some men but I feel that I do not attract the men that are on the same level as me. But at the same time I have said myself that I cannot picture myself being with a man who makes significantly more than me. I am not sure that I would be comfortable knowing that based on what we bring home it puts us in two different social classes. It is not because I am insecure but because I need to feel that I could stand alone and maintain the same lifestyle if that man would ever leave me. I guess this is where I make a mistake of letting my independent woman syndrome cock block. Maybe it is just me but when I look around I see a lot of women who have their own but seem to be single or are with men who do not have as much. Sometimes I wonder if our independent behavior handicaps the men we are with by making them comfortable with taking a backseat?

So, do you think it is possible to have an actual “power couple”? Do you think that in order for a power couple to exist that the man has to have more wealth than the woman? Do you think that it is possible to have a healthy relationship where the woman is the breadwinner? Do you think that a man of any stature or salary can accept a woman of power?

Yours Truly,

The Single B*tch