It amazes me how I look around and so many women are single. What amazes me even more are the amount of middle-aged women who have never been married. Do not get me wrong marriage is not for everyone and personally I think that if that floats your boat then who am I to judge? You have many women who have been married, divorced and now they are back on the dating scene again. Then you have that woman scorned who is bitter and male bashes every second she can. What I fear most is one day being that bitter middle-aged woman who has never experienced true love, living alone with a one-eyed cat and mad at the world.
I always imagined myself being a modern-day woman on the go with my luxury car, making six-figures at a fortune 500 company, living in a high-rise apartment in the city, with a loving happy child and exciting life. Currently I am a woman on the go who feels like I am going nowhere, with a wonderful child and working at a fortune 500 company for nickels and dimes. The funny this is that I never put in a man in my hopeful future life. I have never been that little girl who dreamed of her wedding day or what my dress would look like until now. Ironically I wanted my child first and then marriage. It may seem like I am afraid of commitment or marriage but I always knew how serious it is and it is something that takes a lot of thought and time. I am becoming afraid that I am going to be that woman who will be single forever and never married. Truth be told I am just in my mid-twenties so I guess I have a little time left but I think what bothers me is that I have been single for seven years and I think I have been in love once but it was with someone who did not even belong to me. So what is a girl to do, think or feel?
This day and age the idea of what a relationship should be is totally different. So many women are single and even struggling with wanting to love someone but cannot or even struggling with loving themselves. Why do you all think that the number of middle-aged single women is so high? Is it problems with the men wanting to have their cake and eat it too or do women just expect too much? We all cannot be a Miranda of Sex and the City, some of us want to be a Charlotte.
The Single B*tch
When it comes to dating and meeting people the way to do things are constantly changing. Some changes are for the good and some for the bad and the rest is what better suits you. It seems that people of all ages are actually giving online dating….so I must admit I decided to give it a try.
Child I have the worst luck when it comes to dating. I have been known to recycle men. When I say recycle I mean I keep the same guys in rotation to keep from getting some new peen. I think it is sexually safe but it is not good emotionally. I have a pretty healthy social life. I use to go out almost every weekend but now it is more like once or twice a month or just going to the local bar and grabbing a quick drink. So the fact that I do not meet the guys that I desire is quite mind-boggling to me. I had a talk with my daddy and he actually recommended online dating to me. He said that most free sites are usually hookup sites so he referred a well-known paid site to me. I always judge online dating in a negative light. I thought it was for people over 40, creeps, people with weird fetishes and fantasies and for people looking for sex. My phone, along with a certain body part, has been dry and I have been wanting the company of a man so I said what the hell. I tried a free dating site and I lasted only a couple of days. The guys were trash along with their horrible profile names and immature messages so I was quickly turned off. I finally tried a different site and the guys were definitely of a higher quality. Like they say…you get what you pay for so I guess it is safe to say that I am a little excited about where this will take me.
Before there was a Facebook, Instagram and Twitter there were chat lines, Myspace, Blackplanet, yahoo groups, note passing and three-way calling. I always thought that I would meet my future mate at the gas station, in the produce section at the grocery store, in high school, in college or either at the local neighborhood bar. Unfortunately I feel that some people forget about what makes a relationship great or what dating is all about so the way of meeting people and the importance of getting to know someone has changed. If you want something you never had sometimes you have to do the things you have never done.
-The Single B*tch
They say you can’t miss what you never had…well I think its possible. Love and relationships is a funny thing. You experience emotions you never thought you had and it takes you places that you never thought you could go. All of that feels good unless you have never experienced what you think love is.
Going to the movies on a Friday night, having a lazy Saturday in watching movies, enjoying drinks at the bar on a Sunday evening and getting ready for work on Monday morning with him are things that I wish I had. I want to be courted. I want to wake up smiling because I just received a “good morning” text and I know I was the first thought on your mind. I want to know what it feels like to have an argument and going days without a call or text so I can miss him like I haven’t seen him in years just to make up and hug him so tight. I want to be able to look forward to my work week just because I know that once the weekend comes I will be able to spend it with him. I wish I had someone to introduce to my family. Someone that can sit at the dinner table with me while my mom cooks Sunday dinner or someone that my dad can give the third degree to so he can make sure that he is fit for his princess. I wish that I had a man to watch all of my reality shows that I am so hooked on with and even though he may not like them but he chimes in and talks sh*t about what he sees. I want to experience holidays, birthdays and unexpected gifts. I want to be able to shower my man just like he showers me. I wish I had a man to make feel like a man is supposed to feel. I want my summer fling to turn into my valentine and share April showers with. I wish I knew what it felt like to cook breakfast for and serve it to him in bed. I wish I had someone to make feel like a king. I want to be his queen. I want to be able to hear a love song and relate to it instead of wondering what it would feel like. I want to go through the ups and downs and rocky times with someone. I want to love someone so hard that it actually hurts to feel so good. And as crazy as it sounds I want to experience the pain of a break up and maybe even leave knowing that it’s okay and life goes on and I have the chance to love again.
Maybe the reason why some miss what they have never had is because they are in love with the idea of something. It comes a time when you finally feel the need for something but it is not in reach. It is okay to want, dream and hope for something but you cannot let something that you desire overcome you. Believe it or not wanting to fill a void so badly can end up damaging you because it can have you angry and emotionally bruised. Until the day comes when you finally get what you deserve and want just remember that someone somewhere is missing you too because you are something that they never had
The Single B*tch
The more mature and older I become I start to think about the characteristics in men that I just cannot deal with. We women need to think about our “non-negotiables” while we are dating and trying to find our better half. When I was younger about 13 or 14 (like I was grown and knew everything about dating) I remember having a red spiral notebook with over 100 things that a boy could not do or have. I would have things like he could not have dried up deodorant balls under his arm, could not wear jerseys with no shirt underneath, no braids, cannot drive a Honda, he can’t wear his friends clothes and a whole bunch of silly stuff. Now do not get me wrong some of those things I still do not like (besides the Honda) but they are not something that I cannot work with. And let’s be realistic whether you are 13, 23 or 33 no woman should have over 100 things that a man cannot do or have, in that case you deserve to be single. For me what is non-negotiable goes way beyond the obvious like not having a car, stable job and a place to stay because at my age those are given. I like to think more about a man’s values and his logic. So I talked to some of my close friends and co-workers who are women, from different backgrounds and ages and asked what are some things that are non-negotiable while dating and this is what they said ( I put a star by the ones I totally agree and cannot negotiate with):
- He cannot be a “mamas boy”
- He has to passionate about something…even if it’s lawn care..he has to want to do it and be good at it*
- He cannot be lackadaisical*
- He cannot have small children
- If he does not have manners*
- A man with no backbone…I do not want to be in a relationship with a yes boy
- He may not have to know how to cook but he has to be clean
- He cannot have less sexual stamina than me*
- Religion is a deal breaker. They must have some sort of faith in a higher power*
- Not too many kids*
- Has to be very respectful*
- A loyal person*
- He has to be confidant in what he has
- He has to be financially motivated*
- Cannot have a small penis*
- He has to be multifaceted*
- He has to be a man’s man…be able to fix cars and things around the house*
- He has to be realistic*
- Understands the meaning of having a friendship*
- He respects the fact that if a woman has kids she is a mother first before anything!**
- Great hygiene**
- He has to be ambitious**
- He cannot be a “bugaboo”
- Good sense of humor*
- Has to be humble
- He cannot be egotistical**
- Cannot by any means jealous
- He treats his mom with respect*
- He cannot be overly superficial*
- He cannot have dirty nails
- He cannot be immature
- It’s such a big turn off when a man always has to roll with a crew
- Multiple baby mamas**
- Not pessimistic
- No extensive criminal record**
- Has to have goals set**
- Has to pursue a career that benefits them
- He has to be well-rounded**
- Open minded*
By now a woman should know what she seeks in a man. No one should have no non-negotiables but on the other side of the coin no woman should have too many. I feel that I am too old to try to upgrade a man but in the same sense they are some things that I am willing to compromise and work with. If you are single and dating or even in a committed relationship you need to start asking yourself if the man you are with is a reflection of you. Now tell me…what are you not willing to negotiate?
The Single B*tch