Tag Archives: double standards

Being HIS “Baby Mama”

I can’t express how much I hate the term “baby mama” but to be quite honest if you have never been married and you have a child by someone that is all that you will be referred to as. For me being a baby mama has been one of the hardest titles that I have had to withhold. On this post I am not describing my position as a mother to a child but being the mother of HIS child in relation to the father. As I mature, grow and as I become older I tend to think a lot differently when it comes to being his child’s mother.

Okay so maybe it is just me but being a baby mama has so many negative connotations and views. When thought of most people on the outside probably think we are full of drama, selfish, loud, ungrateful, hateful and bitter and in some cases that is so far from the truth. I have been co-parenting for 6 years and to be real it works when you have two mature adults who know that the child comes first but because the situation may seem amicable and calm does not mean that I am happy. When it comes to being the mother of his child I feel that you come to many obstacles that are seen and unseen. What hurts the most for me is that I sometimes feel that your plight, strength, value and emotions go unnoticed and not taken into consideration. Sometimes I get so tired of always trying to do the right thing or thinking with logic instead of emotions. Sometimes I do not want to be understanding, strong or compromising. Why can I not just give a damn sometimes instead of caring or being concerned. It’s like I am so immune to doing what I have to do and going through the motions that I feel that I can’t feel anything…I have to be numb. I feel that there are so many double standards when being his “baby mama”. It is ok for the man to speak on how he feels and take matters into his own hands because that’s what a man is supposed to do. As a woman if I speak out loud about how I feel or think I am petty, bitter, mad, jealous, a hater or being controlling. I would never hinder anyone from being happy or doing what is best for them but how can I when I think my feelings do not matter? Am I supposed to always just deal with things? While letting things happen is easy for others but for some, like me, it is not. Just because things happen overnight for him does not mean that I have to accept it overnight. It does not always work like that.  I don’t want to just deal with it sometimes and I do not always want to be the bigger person. Now I see why some think it is best to do things “the right way.”

No matter what you call the mother of a child her title should hold more weight. If you happen to be a good “baby mama” you deserve the upmost respect. I love my child more than life itself and I do not regret having him but I regret the situation. If I could do it all over again I would. I have never been a woman to confuse my role, I know where I stand and where I belong. I will never overstep my boundaries but it works both ways. I get tired of just taking it. I don’t want to live by “it is what is.” I want be more than just a title, I want to be known as Whitney a person. I have feelings too, I am not a robot. There are people who have long time boyfriends that they have children with and I think it’s truly a beautiful thing if love is truly the foundation. Different strokes for different folks. For me personally, I would NEVER have a child again without the ring.

This sh*t ain’t easy…

-The Single B*tch


Women, Can We Have Sex Like We Wear Our Clothes…Casual?

I am starting to agree with men. I do not think it’s possible for a woman to just have casual sex with a man. As women we are already emotional beings and to engage in such intimacy with a person and not begin to have some type of feelings for him is unheard of. Maybe it is just me but I believe that if a woman can meet a brand new person and have GOOD sex with him and feel nothing must have some type of issues. By issues I mean she is going through some emotional problems at the time. Let me elaborate…

Okay so we already know that these days people are more sexually expressive. In fact I think women are more open minded than men. I remember being younger and people were having “cut buddies.” If you never heard this term before it’s basically someone that you have strictly a sexual relationship with. Now I do believe that we can have sex with someone without commitment but I am starting to believe that you can’t have sex without some type of relationship. Let’s be real for a second, have you ever had enjoyable sex with someone that you do not have a history with, that you are not interested in or you do not have any plans to make something more out of it with? Personally I am in denial with my own thoughts on this topic. One thing is for sure, I could NEVER imagine doing someone that I am not or have not been interested in at some point or time. I was talking to my best friend and we were discussing how if a woman told a man that all she wanted was to bone he wouldn’t respect it like he claims. So then I started thinking, I don’t think I could honestly just be physical without having anything else. Also, like myself, I think some women have it confused. Casual sex, in my mind, does not involve hanging out or conversing it’s just straight boom pow pow and that is it. I think it is time for us to start being honest with ourselves…

We have to really figure out what it is that we want. Now you may be a person who can have sex with someone with no strings attached and believe me I am not judging you. I sometimes think that some of us settle for just being with someone physically because we can’t have what we really want from that person. To be honest in my case it is a defense mechanism so I will not catch feelings. Again, like everything else in life I think you have to be in a certain mind frame to be able to accept and come to a realization. Last but not least women please remember how important it is to be confident and always communicate what it is that you want.

-The Single B*tch