Every now and again I will wake up with an epiphany and realize that I want that old thing back. One thing I never liked about myself is the fact that I can treat a guy that I once dated like I never knew him. I feel that there is no point of still communicating if we no longer date. There have only been a few rare occurrences where I still keep in contact with someone I have dated because we were good friends first. I guess to have me thinking about him years later, he must have been special.
I met him in college and we were always friends. He was one of those guys that I have always subconsciously had feelings for. Calling him for advice turned into quick conversations turned into text messages, then long phone calls, then drunken high nights that turned into leg shaking sex. He made me feel comfortable and I was not afraid to be myself with him. We gave each other good laughs and nights that turned into mornings. I could not even tell you how we ended. I think we were mutually caught up in other situations that took prevalence at the moment. So we fizzled out…
Sometimes you never realize how much of a good thing you and he had. I guess as you mature you realize how much he would have been a good fit for you. Sometimes I think I get in my nostalgic moods and I want to relive the past and feel good like that old memory made me feel. Then other times I think that maybe a shot at a second go round can be better than the first. Then knowing myself I think I just like the comfort of knowing that he is a familiar face. I hate finding someone new sometimes. Then to be quite honest I just want something to make me feel good…I just want to have fun.
Who knows, maybe my old thing can turn into a good thing and we can give it a shot again.
The Single B*tch
In my previous post growing pains I discussed going through a point in your life of self-reflection and growth. A part of this developmental stage is being alone. In this case I am not just focusing on being alone in reference to a romantic relationship but a relationship with yourself. While growing into who you want to be it is important to utilize this alone time to help make yourself better.
While I was going through self-reflection and growing into a better me I found myself feeling a little anti-social. I am not exactly a social butterfly but I am pretty sociable. I like to go to the bar for a nice cocktail or enjoy a nice summer day party to listen to some great music. Slowly but surely I found myself not wanting to be around people, I didn’t want to pick up my phone or return text messages. At first I thought something was wrong with me like I was going through a depression or something but then I realized that I needed this. I was afraid that I would lose friends but my true friends respected the process. I also found that I was able to notice and observe more and this includes people and things. I also noticed some things in myself that I did not like or that needed improvement. I saw things in some people who made me want to no longer involve myself with them. I thought about some friends that I grew apart from that I wanted to reunite with and I also noticed that some people had a whole lot of things going on that I did not want to add more weight on me. Think about this…when most of your friends call you of course it is natural for them to share with you what they are going through. And even though that is what friends do and naturally you want to listen and help but when you are going through it is too much to handle. Being a loyal and true friend I wanted to lend out advice, give my opinion or just sit there and listen to them vent but I knew that I did not want my process to be interrupted. I soon found out that this…being alone…was the best thing to ever happen to me.
If you too are going through this do not get down. Take one day at a time and learn to listen to yourself and figure out your purpose in the midst of all of this “mess”. If you utilize this time positively and smartly I promise that you will come out bigger and better than before.
The Single B*tch
The older we become we start to view some people differently. Sometimes we notice the good that we have never seen before and in others we notice the bad. Your perception of people can change but in this case I am not speaking of just anyone, I am speaking of your friends. I have thought of a few different types of friends in this world and I want you to see if you know anyone who would fit one or more of these types.
The ride or die-Now this girl right here….everyone NEEDS her by their side. She is going to have your back through thick and thin, right or wrong. She is there whenever you need her and in fact she will go through it with you. No matter the hour she will be right by the phone. If you wanted to rob a bank (now realistically speaking this would be stupid so don’t do this) she would be right there putting the money in the bag. If you were in a bar fight she would jump in then afterwards she would ask “why?”
The good one– This chick may not be a “ride or die” but by no means is she a bad friend. She will tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. The good friend is basically the textbook definition of a friend. She is also there when you need her and will be dependable and faithful. If a fight broke out she would not jump in but she will be the one to break it up or call the police. If you were a robber (hypothetically speaking) she wouldn’t commit the crime with you but she would definitely be the one you call for bail money.
The selfish friend– if it is not convenient for her then it does not matter. It has to be all about her all the time. To be quite honest, her self-absorbed ways are probably not intentional but your needs are not as important as hers. More than likely you are there for her more than she is for you. Don’t get me wrong now, she isn’t what you call a bad friend and she just may not be there exactly when you need her but she is always right on time.
The negative Nancy– no matter the situation she never has anything good to say. She will always list the cons and never the pros. You know the saying “misery loves company”? Well this is her all day long. I figured out that she is even a little jealous. She wishes that she could do the things you do or have been the places you have. This girl can’t wait to see you fail, it makes her feel better about herself.
The leech– The name says it all. She is the one who hangs around you because it benefits her. At the end of the day she is there to see what she can get out of you. This girl wants all of the perks that comes along with you. You will notice that her friendship isn’t real from the jump! If you think about it, she probably thinks that she is doing nothing wrong. She means no harm towards you but she doesn’t mean well either. Last but not least…
The hater on the low– This girl is fake fake fake!!!!!! She cares nothing about you and what makes it so bad, you will not notice her foul ass ways until it’s too late and has probably been around for many years. Her low key ass knows that you are a great person so she will not cut you off but she is jealous and wants to be you. Whether you want to believe it or not some people will hang around just to keep up with what you are doing. The hater will clap for you in front of your face and pray for your downfall when she is alone at night. If she could, this b*tch would skin and wear you. More than likely this girl has NEVER had more than one real friend because the other girls have already peeped her ways. Once you figure out which one of your friends is this (hopefully you don’t have one) cut her off and don’t look back!
-The Single B*tch
They say people are in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. Honestly I get my season and reason people mixed up and sometimes I think of them as the same thing. I think of seasonal people as something like a placeholder in my life, you know someone to just keep you busy or help you get through a difficult or slow time in life. I think those three categories can apply to anyone in your life but usually when I mostly apply this to the men who have come in and out or remained in my life.
Last year one of my best friends who live in the DC area came down to Atlanta for her birthday and was staying in a hotel in midtown. So we were hanging out at the rooftop pool and we met some guys who were visiting from up north. I saw a guy who caught my eye and instantly I thought to myself “I have to have him!!!” He had flawless skin, beautiful teeth, a nice smile, tattoos and a beard. Call me simple but just the beard and tattoos alone drove me crazy! I was at a time in my life where I was living freely…I felt the most happy with my personal life during this time. Despite my attraction to him I really did not want anything but a friendship. I took my own advice and just went with the flow. I saw him a couple of times that summer and I went on a limb and spontaneously booked a flight above the Mason Dixon line to see him. The way he treated me and the time he took to plan our day impressed me. I guess hospitality isn’t limited to the south. Sometimes it’s nice when a man takes the time out to make plans and not leave up to you to decide. I did not reach into my purse one time that weekend; in fact he would not even let me leave a tip. My friends drove up from DC to hang out with us and we went out to enjoy ourselves and I can honestly say that was the most fun that I have had in a long time. Not to mention he even treated my friends great. When I returned home I felt differently about him. Before I just wanted a friend in him but now I wanted more, I wanted to see if we could build. I told him how I felt and unfortunately for me he told me that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. I SWEAR…THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE!!! I can never have what I want. Since he was very honest and open with me I could not be mad at him, in fact I respected him more. To this day he and I remain friends and everything is cool. I wish him nothing but the best for him and his future.
He may not know it but he taught me a lesson. I think the reason why so many women get upset and hurt after what they thought would be love didn’t work is because we have expectations. It is always good going into a situation knowing what you want out of it. He actually showed me what I deserve in a man and now I refuse to settle for anything less than what he showed me. He set the bar very high. To be quite honest he did not do anything spectacular but he did the little things that most women take for granted and the things that guys forget to do. Things can change overnight and take the turn for the best or the worse you just have to know how to handle it. I have always been the type to cut off a guy once we stopped dating because I saw no purpose having him in my life afterwards. As I grow and mature I have learned that nothing will work without a solid foundation. I learned that you have to appreciate things for what they are and some things should not be changed. Like most women, when I meet a guy that I am interested in I instantly start planning our future. He taught me that not all things should be taken so seriously and just because he makes you feel good does not mean that he is good for you. Just because something did not work out does not mean that it was all bad. Know that it is okay to take REALISTIC risks sometimes and be open to different things. Do not be too quick to jump the gun and sometimes just let things flow. My mom has always told me that everything happens in its season and it will be in its own perfect timing. That guy taught me something…he was a reason for preparing me for my season to come.