Sometimes I wish that I was more courageous, outgoing and daring. I wish that I felt more confident about my body and every other imperfection. Some days I feel so damn unpretty and other days I feel like the most beautiful girl in the room. Sometimes I wish I knew how the f*ck I really feel and then there are times when I think I have it all figured out. There are moments when I am comfortable with being alone and other moments I feel so unwanted and lonely. Sometimes I wish I did not feel that the only two men who love me are my father and my son. Sometimes I wish I was not so damn real and maybe that I way I would be a lot further in life.
As much as I hide it sometimes I wish I was not so insecure. I wish I was not so damn cheap to buy internet and that way I would not have to drain my phone battery because I am using hotspot. Sometimes I was I had a different cell phone carrier and that way I would not miss phone calls and I can keep up with my social networking. Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t so sexual and I would be okay with this dry spell I am going through. There are times that I wish I wasn’t so vulgar and I could be the little southern belle that I know I am. I wish that men were not so superficial so they can accept my short hair and edgy look. Sometimes I wish I could wrap my hair up in a turban, wear a flowing dress with little to no makeup (I have to fill in my eyebrows though) but still feel like a super model.
Some days I wish that I could drink more classy drinks like wine and fruity cocktails instead of my bubbly ice cold beer. There are times when I wish I did not have good values and self-respect so that I could f*ck my way to the top instead of doing things the right way. Sometimes I wish that I was not so misunderstood and you can understand how the hell I really feel. At times I wish I did not have these stretch marks but I love my son. Sometimes I wish that I was more than just a “baby mama.” Sometimes I wish that my son’s father could relate and feel where the f*ck I am coming from. Sometimes I wish that I could see the good in myself so that I can see the good in others.
One day I hope that how I sometimes feel would disappear and I can accept that everything may not go as planned but I can always face the inevitable and life’s flaws….
The Single B*tch