Tag Archives: moving on

The Only Exception…

He makes you happy, feel beautiful and comfortable. You are so mentally stimulated by him that a touch isn’t even needed. It is like everything is so perfectly flawed that the norm does not even work for you two. You can hang out alone or with friends, go out to dinner, throw dollar bills at the strip club or enjoy a quiet night at the house. He is the type of guy that you want to hang out with on a summer Saturday night feeling the breeze while listening to Curren$y. One look or touch from him could make you shake. He smells so good and has skin so beautiful. His ambition inspires you and you two together could make a dream team. The situation is almost perfect but you don’t belong to him and he doesn’t belong to you.

Its not that one or both of you belong to someone else. It doesn’t make what y’all have wrong or bad…y’all just cant get it right. Sometimes I think prior situations that have happened influence why you guys decide not to be together not to mention being comfortable is a mutha! It’s like if you could rewind, delete and let it buffer you would. Maybe the main reason why some men aren’t with who they really want to be with is because of the fear of the unknown. People can deny it if they want but what other people think of their relationship or the person that they are with matters to them. I never understood how something is so simple but we make it more hard than it should be. What is even worse is that both people lose out and end up without each other because they are too stubborn to listen to their heart. When  you want something that you cant have makes what should feel easy hard.

Personally, I have been there…feeling like the person that you are wanting you cant have. It is not because the situationship is scary. When I think of a situationship I think of a relationship that is not committed but you do not want to be without that person. I had a situationship that lasted for many years. To be honest I don’t think it even came to an end. He was my get away, my undisclosed location that no one ever knew about because we could not let anyone know. It is never fun keeping a secret but the fact that no one really knows feels so good. I feel like our story is like the D’Angelo song “Untitled”. It is NO words to explain the exact way of how it feels but you know that it is amazing. If I could pick anyone to be with, even if my future is somewhere else, it would be him. I wouldn’t call it settling but if we never had a title I would be okay because I’m comfortable with knowing that we had an understanding. When you think you can get him out of your system he comes back around and your perfectly imperfect situation is heavenly again. When you have it figured out…the puzzle becomes broken and pieces become missing. Sometimes I wonder if I would have made different choices in life would our outcome be different? I have not had anything real in a long time so he was all I knew. If you do not know any other way you never know which way to go. So now I am trying to figure out what to with a story that was never finished being written.

“And I’ve always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to my self that I’m content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk…Well you are the only exception…”-

“The Only Exception”-Paramore

-The Single B*tch

Being Damaged Goods

“You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart. Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out how to love…”

When you have been single for a while I wonder if love will come naturally or if it is something you will learn how to do? When you are not familiar with someone loving you or making you feel important it makes you feel like it will never happen to you. After each fail at starting a relationship for some reason I feel that I have a little bit of energy, security and confidence that goes with it. I feel damaged.

” You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever now you’re in the corner tryna put it together…”

Ladies you know how you try on that one banging pair of pants or dress that has your body looking like a playground but you notice that it has a stain, rip or a hole? Well that is how I feel, I feel like a gun with no bullet, or a car with no engine or a bride with no ring. I am beginning to think that it is not possible to have it all. There is nothing more dangerous than a woman scorned. You become angry, bitter and a ticking time bomb and maybe even mad at the world. It is funny because when I decide to date someone it is not him that I do not trust, it is myself that I do not trust. It is not that I feel like I will cheat or can not be honest, it is because it is no gray area with me either I really like you or I do not. I always over analyze and I wonder am I doing too much or maybe I should not do this or maybe I should fall back because I am giving too much of myself. It is easy to want to change yourself because of what you think he will like or because you think that you are the problem. Maybe you are not the problem but the way you think or feel could be an issue and you have to get right within. I must admit, it is hard to feel beautiful or worthy when you are damaged goods. One day maybe you can figure out how to love…

Sincerely,

The Single B*tch