They say people are in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. Honestly I get my season and reason people mixed up and sometimes I think of them as the same thing. I think of seasonal people as something like a placeholder in my life, you know someone to just keep you busy or help you get through a difficult or slow time in life. I think those three categories can apply to anyone in your life but usually when I mostly apply this to the men who have come in and out or remained in my life.
Last year one of my best friends who live in the DC area came down to Atlanta for her birthday and was staying in a hotel in midtown. So we were hanging out at the rooftop pool and we met some guys who were visiting from up north. I saw a guy who caught my eye and instantly I thought to myself “I have to have him!!!” He had flawless skin, beautiful teeth, a nice smile, tattoos and a beard. Call me simple but just the beard and tattoos alone drove me crazy! I was at a time in my life where I was living freely…I felt the most happy with my personal life during this time. Despite my attraction to him I really did not want anything but a friendship. I took my own advice and just went with the flow. I saw him a couple of times that summer and I went on a limb and spontaneously booked a flight above the Mason Dixon line to see him. The way he treated me and the time he took to plan our day impressed me. I guess hospitality isn’t limited to the south. Sometimes it’s nice when a man takes the time out to make plans and not leave up to you to decide. I did not reach into my purse one time that weekend; in fact he would not even let me leave a tip. My friends drove up from DC to hang out with us and we went out to enjoy ourselves and I can honestly say that was the most fun that I have had in a long time. Not to mention he even treated my friends great. When I returned home I felt differently about him. Before I just wanted a friend in him but now I wanted more, I wanted to see if we could build. I told him how I felt and unfortunately for me he told me that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. I SWEAR…THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE!!! I can never have what I want. Since he was very honest and open with me I could not be mad at him, in fact I respected him more. To this day he and I remain friends and everything is cool. I wish him nothing but the best for him and his future.
He may not know it but he taught me a lesson. I think the reason why so many women get upset and hurt after what they thought would be love didn’t work is because we have expectations. It is always good going into a situation knowing what you want out of it. He actually showed me what I deserve in a man and now I refuse to settle for anything less than what he showed me. He set the bar very high. To be quite honest he did not do anything spectacular but he did the little things that most women take for granted and the things that guys forget to do. Things can change overnight and take the turn for the best or the worse you just have to know how to handle it. I have always been the type to cut off a guy once we stopped dating because I saw no purpose having him in my life afterwards. As I grow and mature I have learned that nothing will work without a solid foundation. I learned that you have to appreciate things for what they are and some things should not be changed. Like most women, when I meet a guy that I am interested in I instantly start planning our future. He taught me that not all things should be taken so seriously and just because he makes you feel good does not mean that he is good for you. Just because something did not work out does not mean that it was all bad. Know that it is okay to take REALISTIC risks sometimes and be open to different things. Do not be too quick to jump the gun and sometimes just let things flow. My mom has always told me that everything happens in its season and it will be in its own perfect timing. That guy taught me something…he was a reason for preparing me for my season to come.
Have you ever wanted something so bad that no matter what you did it just did not seem to work? It seems like whether it is personal or professional things do not happen when you want them to, they happen when you need them to. Many things in life are worth waiting on especially love but sometimes it is difficult to wait on something especially when you have expectations.
I have always been the type of girl who played the field or was never in a rush to settle down. Basically I was never the relationship type of girl. What I mean by that is you will not see me jump from relationship to relationship and I can feel comfortable on my own. I came across a guy who was different from the guys that I have dated in the past. He has an admirable career as a teacher, adored his mother, was involved in the church, very spiritual, had great values, respected strong women, he was eclectic and loved life. My friends all tell me that I am very aggressive when it comes to dating and some men may not know how to receive such confidence so I decided to take a different route with this guy. I tried my best to be more lady-like or have more set rules when dating. So since I thought he was worth the time I decided to try this out. Welp…this did not go as planned. We had some very good times but I asked him what he was looking for and a girlfriend was not one. I decided to hang in there because of course, like all women, I thought that I could change a man. Oh was I wrong! We did not end badly but I did cut things off at that time. Looking back on the situation I really wish that I would have done things differently. Hindsight is always 20/20, or at least it should be, but at that time I was not even ready for what I THOUGHT I wanted. Who was I to even map out some unknown plan?
First thing’s first…YOU CAN NOT CHANGE A MAN OR HIS MIND UNLESS HE HIMSELF IS READY TO DO SO. Secondly, do not let someone else’s expectations influence how you should date or how you think love should be. Sometimes we think we need or should have certain things because of what others around us have. What may work for someone else may not work for you. When you have interest in someone it is good to let things happen. Do not get me wrong, if you and the person you are dating want two different things then the best thing to do is let it go! Look at it on the bright side…you may not have exactly what you wanted but you did not leave empty handed. It is nothing wrong with a friendship instead. If you ask me…I think that is why things do not last. There is no proper foundation of friendship. Waiting for something perfect to happen is a waste of time because you may miss out on something great waiting for something that will NEVER happen.
I am not sure who quoted or said this but something that I live by is that you cannot think beyond your exposure what you thought you were ready for now may not be what you need at this moment. When I think of this, I think of the fact you cannot be ready for what you have not experienced or have knowledge of. We live in a generation of instant gratification. We are so use to having the world at our fingertips that when we want it, we want it now.
I became a mother at 20 and I was enrolled and college at that time. I was in college for about five years but then I thought that I had been a student for too long and on top of that I was not even working. Eventually I graduated and found a job that worked for me. I guess at that time I felt the need to rush my life and get things in order because I had a child to provide for. I felt like I was behind and needed to take 20 steps forward because I knew people who were making things happen. I soon learned that comparing your success or life to someone else’s WILL MESS YOU UP EVERY TIME.
Most of us have the same goal in mind…SUCCESS. I think the real struggle is figuring out what success means to you. Each of us take different paths in life. Some of us reach our destination faster or slower than others because we may have more resources or fewer obstacles than some do. Patience is key. If you jump at the idea of something too fast you may miss out on what is actually planned for you. Not to mention…you will waste your time and that you can NEVER get back. Just know that because it is not happening for you now does not mean that it never will. Even though sacrificing is important but being obedient to what your heart says, instincts and who you pray to is greater. When you think about something day in or day out…GO FOR IT! Failure is not the worst thing that can happen. Just be still and know that what is for you, is for you. It just may not be your time yet, but when that alarm clock is set and ready to go off it is time for you to wake up and get what is yours!
“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” John F Kennedy
-The Single B*tch