Tag Archives: respect

Being HIS “Baby Mama”

I can’t express how much I hate the term “baby mama” but to be quite honest if you have never been married and you have a child by someone that is all that you will be referred to as. For me being a baby mama has been one of the hardest titles that I have had to withhold. On this post I am not describing my position as a mother to a child but being the mother of HIS child in relation to the father. As I mature, grow and as I become older I tend to think a lot differently when it comes to being his child’s mother.

Okay so maybe it is just me but being a baby mama has so many negative connotations and views. When thought of most people on the outside probably think we are full of drama, selfish, loud, ungrateful, hateful and bitter and in some cases that is so far from the truth. I have been co-parenting for 6 years and to be real it works when you have two mature adults who know that the child comes first but because the situation may seem amicable and calm does not mean that I am happy. When it comes to being the mother of his child I feel that you come to many obstacles that are seen and unseen. What hurts the most for me is that I sometimes feel that your plight, strength, value and emotions go unnoticed and not taken into consideration. Sometimes I get so tired of always trying to do the right thing or thinking with logic instead of emotions. Sometimes I do not want to be understanding, strong or compromising. Why can I not just give a damn sometimes instead of caring or being concerned. It’s like I am so immune to doing what I have to do and going through the motions that I feel that I can’t feel anything…I have to be numb. I feel that there are so many double standards when being his “baby mama”. It is ok for the man to speak on how he feels and take matters into his own hands because that’s what a man is supposed to do. As a woman if I speak out loud about how I feel or think I am petty, bitter, mad, jealous, a hater or being controlling. I would never hinder anyone from being happy or doing what is best for them but how can I when I think my feelings do not matter? Am I supposed to always just deal with things? While letting things happen is easy for others but for some, like me, it is not. Just because things happen overnight for him does not mean that I have to accept it overnight. It does not always work like that.  I don’t want to just deal with it sometimes and I do not always want to be the bigger person. Now I see why some think it is best to do things “the right way.”

No matter what you call the mother of a child her title should hold more weight. If you happen to be a good “baby mama” you deserve the upmost respect. I love my child more than life itself and I do not regret having him but I regret the situation. If I could do it all over again I would. I have never been a woman to confuse my role, I know where I stand and where I belong. I will never overstep my boundaries but it works both ways. I get tired of just taking it. I don’t want to live by “it is what is.” I want be more than just a title, I want to be known as Whitney a person. I have feelings too, I am not a robot. There are people who have long time boyfriends that they have children with and I think it’s truly a beautiful thing if love is truly the foundation. Different strokes for different folks. For me personally, I would NEVER have a child again without the ring.

This sh*t ain’t easy…

-The Single B*tch

 

Where Does “SHE”‘ Fit In?

The older we become we start to view some people differently. Sometimes we notice the good that we have never seen before and in others we notice the bad. Your perception of people can change but in this case I am not speaking of just anyone, I am speaking of your friends. I have thought of a few different types of friends in this world and I want you to see if you know anyone who would fit one or more of these types.

The ride or die-Now this girl right here….everyone NEEDS her by their side. She is going to have your back through thick and thin, right or wrong. She is there whenever you need her and in fact she will go through it with you. No matter the hour she will be right by the phone. If you wanted to rob a bank (now realistically speaking this would be stupid so don’t do this) she would be right there putting the money in the bag. If you were in a bar fight she would jump in then afterwards she would ask “why?”

The good one– This chick may not be a “ride or die” but by no means is she a bad friend. She will tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. The good friend is basically the textbook definition of a friend. She is also there when you need her and will be dependable and faithful. If a fight broke out she would not jump in but she will be the one to break it up or call the police. If you were a robber (hypothetically speaking) she wouldn’t commit the crime with you but she would definitely be the one you call for bail money.

The selfish friend– if it is not convenient for her then it does not matter. It has to be all about her all the time. To be quite honest, her self-absorbed ways are probably not intentional but your needs are not as important as hers. More than likely you are there for her more than she is for you. Don’t get me wrong now, she isn’t what you call a bad friend and she just may not be there exactly when you need her but she is always right on time.

The negative Nancy– no matter the situation she never has anything good to say. She will always list the cons and never the pros. You know the saying “misery loves company”? Well this is her all day long. I figured out that she is even a little jealous. She wishes that she could do the things you do or have been the places you have. This girl can’t wait to see you fail, it makes her feel better about herself.

The leech– The name says it all. She is the one who hangs around you because it benefits her. At the end of the day she is there to see what she can get out of you. This girl wants all of the perks that comes along with you. You will notice that her friendship isn’t real from the jump! If you think about it, she probably thinks that she is doing nothing wrong. She means no harm towards you but she doesn’t mean well either. Last but not least…

The hater on the low– This girl is fake fake fake!!!!!! She cares nothing about you and what makes it so bad, you will not notice her foul ass ways until it’s too late and has probably been around for many years. Her low key ass knows that you are a great person so she will not cut you off but she is jealous and wants to be you. Whether you want to believe it or not some people will hang around just to keep up with what you are doing. The hater will clap for you in front of your face and pray for your downfall when she is alone at night. If she could, this b*tch would skin and wear you.  More than likely this girl has NEVER had more than one real friend because the other girls have already peeped her ways. Once you figure out which one of your friends is this (hopefully you don’t have one) cut her off and don’t look back!

 

-The Single B*tch

 

Served On The Side

At certain times he calls you, wants to see you and only hangs out with you at the house. Then there are times when it is all about you, you see him multiple times a week, you get gifts, great convo, you are treated like a queen and you get all of the hugs and kisses that a girl can ask for. The funny thing is you are not the only one, in fact you are the other one.

Whether you want to admit it or not we have all been the side chick at least once even if we knew it or not. I am not sure if it is just me but it seems like a lot of guys are taken or have a “situationship.” I would like to think of myself as a very trusting person but I always assume that a guy may or may not have something already going on with someone else. Do not get me wrong, I do not condone being the side chick, but I have been viewing this topic a lot different lately. In this case there is always 4 sides to the story. It is the truth (more than likely what the other girl says), what they guy says, what the other girl says and what or how the main chick feels. So I feel that it goes a little something like this…

There are three different types of side chicks. You have the girl who has the intentions of being promoted to the main girl (which will never happen) and has every intent to break the relationship up. Then you have the girl who gets in where she fits in and just wants to get while the getting is good. Then, poor thing, you have the girl who has no idea in the world. At times I wonder to myself if the side chick who has no intent of being with the guy even counts. Not that it is okay to get involved with a guy who has a girlfriend but I feel that once you start its hard to stop and since a woman is only human she can not help but to get her feelings involved and to tell the truth she just wants to be loved.

So in this situation who holds the most blame? Who is the one who has the most to lose? It is always great to be the entrée but NO ONE wants to be served on the side…