Tag Archives: Sex

I Do Not Know Why We Ignore The Signs

I think it is quite ridiculous how all of the signs of why we should not involve ourselves with someone could be right in front of us but we seem to always ignore them. It is human nature to always want what we cannot have or what is bad for us. When we try to diet we always want something unhealthy. When we try to remain sober we always want a stiff drink (this is a toughy for me). When we try to abstain from sex that is when we are the horniest and all the peen that you once wanted is being thrown at you left and right. Before I leave this Earth I would love to get to the bottom of why we are so intrigued by what is out of our reach.

Now I do not claim to know much about men but I feel that one thing is true…they are habitual! When a man begins to be inconsistent, something is wrong! Let me tell you what happened to me. I started dating this guy that I knew in my childhood and we dated for about 6 months strong. Like everything was right. We saw each other every weekend, if I had car problems he would fix them, he would bring me around his family, we actually went on dates and we communicated pretty well. A little more than half way through the 6 months he would go days without calling me and would say his phone was off. We would also make plans for dates and he would never show or never call back. He did all of those things for months. Right then and there I knew something was wrong but I didn’t want to believe it. It was not until I got a call from his girlfriend who he was with for 5 years, lived out-of-state and was planning on moving to Georgia. I was hurt, appalled and somewhat shocked. But the signs were right in front of my face…

For us women we always fall victim to this issue, and in a way to ourselves, because it seems that we ignore all of the red flags when it comes to men. I seem to always involve myself with men who have too much baggage, a criminal record, not ready for commitment, dishonest or who have some type of situation going on. I try to justify this situation by telling myself that at least I am aware of his faults and what I want out of the situation. But this still does not make it right if you find yourself getting disappointed by the outcome. I do not know if we are just intrigued by the unknown or if it feels good to “sneak” and do something or if we think we can somewhat change the situation. In some ways I believe we do not want to believe it because it will make whatever is wrong true. For some, including myself, it is always easier not knowing. Lord knows my intuition has kicked in more than a few times and I just push it right on to the side. Personally for me I cannot be thrilled with a good time and then say no. I think for so long I have always tried to do the right thing or take extra precautions that I never did what pleased me. What is sad about this all is that we know what we are getting ourselves into but when the walls come tumbling down we act shocked that it happened.

I think it is time we take charge of our lives and feelings and do what is beneficial to us in the long run. We need to take the time out to learn and, most importantly, love ourselves and we will see that soon we can careful about the time we may lose by dealing with someone who is no good.

Sincerely,

The Single B*tch

One Man Team But I Need A Roster

Of course, who does not want to find true love but there are times when you just need a roster. When you are a single girl I think it is okay to keep a few guys around for fun. It gives you choices and a chance to not grow emotionally attached to anyone. Please keep in mind that it is always good to be honest with everyone involved. You do not have to tell all of your personal business but be clear about what you want and how you feel.

Now, I have been without a boyfriend for a loooooonnnnng time but I have NEVER been without a homie lover friend. This is some sad sh*t. I think the reason why I have been somewhat content without a committed relationship is because I have always had someone to keep me entertained. I had a different guy to fulfill different needs and wants. You may need a guy to stimulate you mentally and have intellectual conversations with. One guy may give you exactly want you need sexually and one may be the jack of all trades and possess everything you need. I even realized that it’s good to keep a guy around that is outside of what you are used to, someone who can expose you to different things and show you another side of life. I remember I once had a guy around that was younger than me. Lord knows I had NO business even entertaining him but he made me feel like a college girl again. I had no cares while he was around. I guess I will use this time to work on me and healing myself. I always thought I was okay with being alone but I see now that I was never lonely to begin with.

This phase sucks…

Sincerely,

The Single B*tch

Everyone Has an Addiction…Mine is Him

Besides the fact that I pop coca cola open like I change underwear I never had any other addiction until I met him. I never thought it was possible to be addicted to someone until he entered into my life. Something as enjoyable as the feeling that you get from someone you are so into should not be so destructible. In this case I don’t even think I considered what my heart said because your mind takes over everything that you’re feeling whether if it is wrong or right. What is strange is that as much as your mind takes over I used no logic when it came to him…there was no such thing as common sense.

During my addiction to him I didn’t know if I was in love, lust or if he was just breaking me off like no other. If I could I would be stuck in a house with him for days and wouldn’t stop until I got enough. Of course I would need my time away from him so I could come down but as soon as my high wore off I would need him right back with me again. It’s like I was doing something that I had no business doing, I couldn’t tell anyone about him because I was afraid that I would be judged. The attraction between us was so real it’s like a magnetic force field is between us and we couldn’t stay away. He was my drug, my habit and my dealer. When I was wrapped up in him it’s like I was floating on cloud 9 and I couldn’t come down, in fact I didn’t want to. He had me hooked, dependent and I couldn’t kick him.

Ladies I had to check myself into an imaginable a$$ rehab to get my mind right!!! When I think about it…I think I was in love with him but more than anything he was all I knew. I felt comfortable with him. I needed to see what life was like without having him there all the time. I could no longer depend on him. To be honest I do not want to go through life without having him somewhere in the mix but I needed to kick my habit. Every now and again I still find myself fiending for him…I just need a taste. I can’t even lie…I just need one more hit…or three 🙂

-The Single B*tch

Being Comfortable Outside of Your Comfort Zone

Being comfortable has to be the most dangerous and worse thing that you can do when being involved with someone. Especially when something or someone does not belong to you it never lasts forever. See a person can flip the script overnight and what was will never be again. Or it could be that his life takes a turn down a new path in life and now you are left alone

Not that I live by the zodiac sign but see I am a Taurus and I like routine and comfort. I do not like surprises or being deviated from what I am use to. Just how I like structure in everyday life, I like comfort and structure with the men I have in my life as well. Being single, but still having needs, I do have someone that I am familiar with that I call (or text because I am not a phone person) when I want some company. Recently he told me that he is moving out of state and naturally I felt some type of way. This guy never played a huge part in my life but nevertheless he had a part and that part was still very instrumental to me. He was like that favorite t-shirt that you love to sleep in but it has a hole or the first car you had that probably wasn’t the greatest but it’s nothing like it and you always want to make sure it is okay. There is nothing more comfortable than being inside your comfort zone but you have to realize that at any moment things can change. What do you do when all that you know is no longer? Who do you call when you need someone to tell you the right things? How can you be fulfilled when he can no longer be your fulfillment? But I am learning…

The bottom line of it all is that you only have yourself in the end. Not that I do not know how to feel comfortable being alone but having something around that is familiar feels good. There are pros to being comfortable with someone but there are cons as well. As I think about this more…I think being without my comfort blanket is good for me. I am at a point in my life where I may look like I have it all together but by no means do I at all. I think that losing something that I can depend on is giving me a chance for growth…and I need it.

You Can Always Count On Your Old Faithful

Whether he was once your boyfriend, a friend, someone else’s man or the boy from around the way…every woman has an old faithful. An old faithful is someone who you can always count on to be there when you need your socks rocked. You can call him morning, noon or night and you can guarantee action packed fun.

In other words your old faithful is your friend with benefits. In my eyes your friend with benefits does not count as casual sex. It is someone who you are used to, someone who knows your body inside (no pun intended) and out, someone that understands what y’all have and does not cross the boundaries. Maybe it is just me but not one girl can say that she does not have anyone to send that drunk text to when she wants to get right. It is a mutual situation, both of are you are providing something that the other needs and there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe no one can please him like you or maybe you just need that void filled for the meantime. My question is that if it is good when does it ever truly end? To be honest I have had mine for about three years and we are better off this way than anything else and I am okay with that. You aren’t meant to be with everyone that you meet. Sometimes it is what it is. You two have so much fun together and that day or night is great but as soon as morning comes y’all are back to the normally scheduled program until the next time y’all meet.

Whether it is wrong or right I see nothing wrong with calling your buddy up when you want to feel good. Honestly and personally speaking I never had more than one FWB at a time and just not anyone can qualify for that position (again, no pun intended). Some people are not worth entering back into your life no matter what role you want him to play or how much you think you can handle whatever may come along with that person. Either way I just feel that you need to get while the getting is good. There is no need to mess up a good thing…if it ain’t broke don’t fix it right?

Yours Truly,

The Single B*tch

Summer Fine…Summer Fun

Once Memorial Day hits our clothes get shorter, our skin gets darker and the nights become a little longer. People who hardly come out are at the day parties and hitting the beaches. Well while some of y’all look forward to eating barbeque and taking a dip in the pool I am hoping to come across someone that really sparks my interest so I can make him my summer time sweetie. I do not know about you but it is just something about that summer love that makes dating so fun and less serious.

Okay so throughout the year I have periods and times when I (think) want something more serious and I play with the idea of being committed. As soon as summer hits I just want to enjoy a situation that has no expectations, no rules and no title. I want that feeling of excitement and not knowing what will happen from one day to the next. I wish I can take my seasonal attitude towards dating and apply it to the rest of the year but I enjoy the few short months of being free spirited and feeling so easy going that summer brings. What is funny is that your summer boo seems to come so unexpected. Is it just me or is your summer lover more fine that any other man that you had during winter, spring or fall??? And again, is it just me or does it seem like your summer fling is just that…a summer fling and once fall hits it was just a memory? Personally I have never had a guy that I met over the summer that has outlasted the hot months and turned into something more serious or romantic. What is strange is that guy may not have impacted me much but the situation did…and here is why…

Even though it is important to keep in mind what you are really looking for but sometimes we take the fun out of a situation. I think the reason why we see less or even no lasting relationships is because we are too busy trying to control something so unpredictable. Having a little summer boy toy can teach us a little something, it shows me that it is okay to have fun and letting the good times roll but it also shows me that nothing lasts forever….

Check out one of my favorite songs that sets the tone for me during summer TLC “Digging on You”

-The Single B*tch

Women, Can We Have Sex Like We Wear Our Clothes…Casual?

I am starting to agree with men. I do not think it’s possible for a woman to just have casual sex with a man. As women we are already emotional beings and to engage in such intimacy with a person and not begin to have some type of feelings for him is unheard of. Maybe it is just me but I believe that if a woman can meet a brand new person and have GOOD sex with him and feel nothing must have some type of issues. By issues I mean she is going through some emotional problems at the time. Let me elaborate…

Okay so we already know that these days people are more sexually expressive. In fact I think women are more open minded than men. I remember being younger and people were having “cut buddies.” If you never heard this term before it’s basically someone that you have strictly a sexual relationship with. Now I do believe that we can have sex with someone without commitment but I am starting to believe that you can’t have sex without some type of relationship. Let’s be real for a second, have you ever had enjoyable sex with someone that you do not have a history with, that you are not interested in or you do not have any plans to make something more out of it with? Personally I am in denial with my own thoughts on this topic. One thing is for sure, I could NEVER imagine doing someone that I am not or have not been interested in at some point or time. I was talking to my best friend and we were discussing how if a woman told a man that all she wanted was to bone he wouldn’t respect it like he claims. So then I started thinking, I don’t think I could honestly just be physical without having anything else. Also, like myself, I think some women have it confused. Casual sex, in my mind, does not involve hanging out or conversing it’s just straight boom pow pow and that is it. I think it is time for us to start being honest with ourselves…

We have to really figure out what it is that we want. Now you may be a person who can have sex with someone with no strings attached and believe me I am not judging you. I sometimes think that some of us settle for just being with someone physically because we can’t have what we really want from that person. To be honest in my case it is a defense mechanism so I will not catch feelings. Again, like everything else in life I think you have to be in a certain mind frame to be able to accept and come to a realization. Last but not least women please remember how important it is to be confident and always communicate what it is that you want.

-The Single B*tch