Tag Archives: single mom

Deal Or No Deal?

The more mature and older I become I start to think about the characteristics in men that I just cannot deal with. We women need to think about our “non-negotiables” while we are dating and trying to find our better half. When I was younger about 13 or 14 (like I was grown and knew everything about dating) I remember having a red spiral notebook with over 100 things that a boy could not do or have. I would have things like he could not have dried up deodorant balls under his arm, could not wear jerseys with no shirt underneath, no braids, cannot drive a Honda, he can’t wear his friends clothes and a whole bunch of silly stuff. Now do not get me wrong some of those things I still do not like (besides the Honda) but they are not something that I cannot work with. And let’s be realistic whether you are 13, 23 or 33 no woman should have over 100 things that a man cannot do or have, in that case you deserve to be single. For me what is non-negotiable goes way beyond the obvious like not having a car, stable job and a place to stay because at my age those are given. I like to think more about a man’s values and his logic. So I talked to some of my close friends and co-workers who are women, from different backgrounds and ages and asked what are some things that are non-negotiable while dating and this is what they said ( I put a star by the ones I totally agree and cannot negotiate with):

  • He cannot be a “mamas boy”
  • He has to passionate about something…even if it’s lawn care..he has to want to do it and be good at it*
  • He cannot be lackadaisical*
  • Ambition*
  • He cannot have small children
  • If he does not have manners*
  • A man with no backbone…I do not want to be in a relationship with a yes boy
  • He may not have to know how to cook but he has to be clean
  • He cannot have less sexual stamina than me*
  • Religion is a deal breaker. They must have some sort of faith in a higher power*
  • Not too many kids*
  • Has to be very respectful*
  • A loyal person*
  • He has to be confidant in what he has
  • He has to be financially motivated*
  • Cannot have a small penis*
  • He has to be multifaceted*
  • He has to be a man’s man…be able to fix cars and things around the house*
  • He has to be realistic*
  • Understands the meaning of having a friendship*
  • He respects the fact that if a woman has kids she is a mother first before anything!**
  • Great hygiene**
  • He has to be ambitious**
  • He cannot be a “bugaboo”
  • Good sense of humor*
  • Has to be humble
  • He cannot be egotistical**
  • Cannot by any means jealous
  • He treats his mom with respect*
  • He cannot be overly superficial*
  • He cannot have dirty nails
  • He cannot be immature
  • It’s such a big turn off when a man always has to roll with a crew
  • Multiple baby mamas**
  • Not pessimistic
  • No extensive criminal record**
  • Has to have goals set**
  • Has to pursue a career that benefits them
  • He has to be well-rounded**
  • Eclectic
  • Open minded* 

By now a woman should know what she seeks in a man. No one should have no non-negotiables but on the other side of the coin no woman should have too many. I feel that I am too old to try to upgrade a man but in the same sense they are some things that I am willing to compromise and work with. If you are single and dating or even in a committed relationship you need to start asking yourself if the man you are with is a reflection of you. Now tell me…what are you not willing to negotiate?

Sincerely,

The Single B*tch

 

Being HIS “Baby Mama”

I can’t express how much I hate the term “baby mama” but to be quite honest if you have never been married and you have a child by someone that is all that you will be referred to as. For me being a baby mama has been one of the hardest titles that I have had to withhold. On this post I am not describing my position as a mother to a child but being the mother of HIS child in relation to the father. As I mature, grow and as I become older I tend to think a lot differently when it comes to being his child’s mother.

Okay so maybe it is just me but being a baby mama has so many negative connotations and views. When thought of most people on the outside probably think we are full of drama, selfish, loud, ungrateful, hateful and bitter and in some cases that is so far from the truth. I have been co-parenting for 6 years and to be real it works when you have two mature adults who know that the child comes first but because the situation may seem amicable and calm does not mean that I am happy. When it comes to being the mother of his child I feel that you come to many obstacles that are seen and unseen. What hurts the most for me is that I sometimes feel that your plight, strength, value and emotions go unnoticed and not taken into consideration. Sometimes I get so tired of always trying to do the right thing or thinking with logic instead of emotions. Sometimes I do not want to be understanding, strong or compromising. Why can I not just give a damn sometimes instead of caring or being concerned. It’s like I am so immune to doing what I have to do and going through the motions that I feel that I can’t feel anything…I have to be numb. I feel that there are so many double standards when being his “baby mama”. It is ok for the man to speak on how he feels and take matters into his own hands because that’s what a man is supposed to do. As a woman if I speak out loud about how I feel or think I am petty, bitter, mad, jealous, a hater or being controlling. I would never hinder anyone from being happy or doing what is best for them but how can I when I think my feelings do not matter? Am I supposed to always just deal with things? While letting things happen is easy for others but for some, like me, it is not. Just because things happen overnight for him does not mean that I have to accept it overnight. It does not always work like that.  I don’t want to just deal with it sometimes and I do not always want to be the bigger person. Now I see why some think it is best to do things “the right way.”

No matter what you call the mother of a child her title should hold more weight. If you happen to be a good “baby mama” you deserve the upmost respect. I love my child more than life itself and I do not regret having him but I regret the situation. If I could do it all over again I would. I have never been a woman to confuse my role, I know where I stand and where I belong. I will never overstep my boundaries but it works both ways. I get tired of just taking it. I don’t want to live by “it is what is.” I want be more than just a title, I want to be known as Whitney a person. I have feelings too, I am not a robot. There are people who have long time boyfriends that they have children with and I think it’s truly a beautiful thing if love is truly the foundation. Different strokes for different folks. For me personally, I would NEVER have a child again without the ring.

This sh*t ain’t easy…

-The Single B*tch

 

Being A Single Milf Isn’t Easy

Firstly, shouts out to ALL the MILFS out there!

What I consider a MILF is a woman who still did not lose it after having a baby and that I am not just referring to her body. No matter your marital status being a mother is by no means easy but being a single mom who is not married is even harder. I do not know exactly why I like using the phrase MILF but for me it is a compliment and it makes you feel sexy.

Just to give you a little personal background on me I became a mother at the age of 20 and I have never been married and since my child has been born I have not been in a committed relationship. When I think of a single MILF I never think of the stereotype but unfortunately I know that others do. More than likely majority of people probably think of a single mother as someone who is struggling, little or no help from the child’s father and has a  low paying job.  It was hard for me to socialize with other moms at my child’s schools because 95%, if not all, were married at home moms or their husbands were making bank. The bottom line is that they were married and I was not. I always felt like I would be judged just because of the fact that I am single, fairly younger than most of them, had a child but none of them knew of my accomplishments. Even little things like showing up to a birthday party  (outside of personal friends and family) required a whole thought process for me. For once I think it would be nice for me to enter a birthday party with my son and a beau in tow with me. Maybe the guy could get with the other men present and talk about what men talk about. Even after working all day, cooking and getting the kidlet ready for bed I have to get my home improvement on. Little things like changing a light bulb, killing spiders and bugs and attempting to fix anything that is broken sometimes makes you wish that you had another half.

Regardless if you are single or not it takes a special type of woman to become a REAL mother. On top of wearing a cape, pumps, stethoscope, and a wonder woman cuff you can now add MILF to your title 🙂

P.S. Lets not forget to give props to the real fathers out there…they deserve kudos too. I know I am thankful for my dad and my child’s father…they are THE SH*T

The Single B*tch