Of course, who does not want to find true love but there are times when you just need a roster. When you are a single girl I think it is okay to keep a few guys around for fun. It gives you choices and a chance to not grow emotionally attached to anyone. Please keep in mind that it is always good to be honest with everyone involved. You do not have to tell all of your personal business but be clear about what you want and how you feel.
Now, I have been without a boyfriend for a loooooonnnnng time but I have NEVER been without a homie lover friend. This is some sad sh*t. I think the reason why I have been somewhat content without a committed relationship is because I have always had someone to keep me entertained. I had a different guy to fulfill different needs and wants. You may need a guy to stimulate you mentally and have intellectual conversations with. One guy may give you exactly want you need sexually and one may be the jack of all trades and possess everything you need. I even realized that it’s good to keep a guy around that is outside of what you are used to, someone who can expose you to different things and show you another side of life. I remember I once had a guy around that was younger than me. Lord knows I had NO business even entertaining him but he made me feel like a college girl again. I had no cares while he was around. I guess I will use this time to work on me and healing myself. I always thought I was okay with being alone but I see now that I was never lonely to begin with.
This phase sucks…
The Single B*tch
I do not care who you are…dating is not easy at all. I do not believe in following rules but I do believe that there are some things for you to keep in mind and remember while dating. I am no expert on dating but I do believe that I have operating as a single girl in this world down to a science. Here is what keeps me functioning…
It is okay to be selfish. Of course you do not want to be inconsiderate of someone else’s feelings but it is important to put your needs and wants in front of his at times…you are not in a relationship yet!
Do not let loneliness lead you to lust. I am guilty of this time after time. I know it can be so hard to come home to an empty house and you do not have that companion to make you feel good. There have been times I have given a guy a chance that did not even deserve to be in my presence. Wanting and needing something that I am missing has even gotten me into some sticky situations. Some were extremely hard to get out of and some even left deep emotional scars. Do not let being lonely determine how you think of yourself. Honey being alone has even made me find men attractive that do not even deserve a second look. I have even considered trying to “upgrade” a man and Lord knows I am too old to “build-a-man”. Who knew that something that you think can make you feel better makes you feel so bad…
Think outside the box. One reason I found myself missing out on dating opportunities is because I did not want to step outside of my comfort zone. I did not want to believe that other races, ages and men of other backgrounds that I was not use to could not offer me anything. I mean hey…the only thing that could happen is it not working!
Get to know you. Like I said…I am not expert on dating but when it comes to being a single girl I know all of the ropes. One thing that bothers me about some single girls is that fact that they do not know how to feel comfortable alone. It is never okay to feel like you need the company of another to make you feel complete. During this time outside of a relationship get to know what it is that makes you happy. If you always hopping from one man to the next how is it possible to NOT lose yourself??? Date you for a while…it’s okay.
Get real and be honest. Honesty is the key. Before you can be honest with others you have to first be honest with yourself. You have to get down to the “nitty gritty” and figure out what is it that you really want.
Don’t settle for sex. If sex is not what you want then don’t settle for it. Every girl needs their pipes clean every now and then but if you’re just having sex to fill a void do not do it. I have been there and done that and it only hurts…TRUST ME!!!!!
What about your friends? Utilize this time to build your friendships and have fun with your friends. Do not forget about them…you need em’
Do not contradict. If you do not have it all together…do not expect him to. It’s not fair!!!
KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!!!!! No explanation is needed…
The Single B*tch
Being comfortable has to be the most dangerous and worse thing that you can do when being involved with someone. Especially when something or someone does not belong to you it never lasts forever. See a person can flip the script overnight and what was will never be again. Or it could be that his life takes a turn down a new path in life and now you are left alone
Not that I live by the zodiac sign but see I am a Taurus and I like routine and comfort. I do not like surprises or being deviated from what I am use to. Just how I like structure in everyday life, I like comfort and structure with the men I have in my life as well. Being single, but still having needs, I do have someone that I am familiar with that I call (or text because I am not a phone person) when I want some company. Recently he told me that he is moving out of state and naturally I felt some type of way. This guy never played a huge part in my life but nevertheless he had a part and that part was still very instrumental to me. He was like that favorite t-shirt that you love to sleep in but it has a hole or the first car you had that probably wasn’t the greatest but it’s nothing like it and you always want to make sure it is okay. There is nothing more comfortable than being inside your comfort zone but you have to realize that at any moment things can change. What do you do when all that you know is no longer? Who do you call when you need someone to tell you the right things? How can you be fulfilled when he can no longer be your fulfillment? But I am learning…
The bottom line of it all is that you only have yourself in the end. Not that I do not know how to feel comfortable being alone but having something around that is familiar feels good. There are pros to being comfortable with someone but there are cons as well. As I think about this more…I think being without my comfort blanket is good for me. I am at a point in my life where I may look like I have it all together but by no means do I at all. I think that losing something that I can depend on is giving me a chance for growth…and I need it.
Firstly, shouts out to ALL the MILFS out there!
What I consider a MILF is a woman who still did not lose it after having a baby and that I am not just referring to her body. No matter your marital status being a mother is by no means easy but being a single mom who is not married is even harder. I do not know exactly why I like using the phrase MILF but for me it is a compliment and it makes you feel sexy.
Just to give you a little personal background on me I became a mother at the age of 20 and I have never been married and since my child has been born I have not been in a committed relationship. When I think of a single MILF I never think of the stereotype but unfortunately I know that others do. More than likely majority of people probably think of a single mother as someone who is struggling, little or no help from the child’s father and has a low paying job. It was hard for me to socialize with other moms at my child’s schools because 95%, if not all, were married at home moms or their husbands were making bank. The bottom line is that they were married and I was not. I always felt like I would be judged just because of the fact that I am single, fairly younger than most of them, had a child but none of them knew of my accomplishments. Even little things like showing up to a birthday party (outside of personal friends and family) required a whole thought process for me. For once I think it would be nice for me to enter a birthday party with my son and a beau in tow with me. Maybe the guy could get with the other men present and talk about what men talk about. Even after working all day, cooking and getting the kidlet ready for bed I have to get my home improvement on. Little things like changing a light bulb, killing spiders and bugs and attempting to fix anything that is broken sometimes makes you wish that you had another half.
Regardless if you are single or not it takes a special type of woman to become a REAL mother. On top of wearing a cape, pumps, stethoscope, and a wonder woman cuff you can now add MILF to your title 🙂
P.S. Lets not forget to give props to the real fathers out there…they deserve kudos too. I know I am thankful for my dad and my child’s father…they are THE SH*T
The Single B*tch
Hmmmm about 6’3 -6’4, 240 pounds, skin like a chocolate bar, clean-cut, does not take as long as I do to get ready and musically eclectic. The type that can listen to Prince, The Isley Brothers, Paramore and Fall Out Boy but thoroughly enjoys classic Outkast records and knows EVERY song on T.I.’s Trap Muzik. If I had my way he would be sweet, understanding, intelligent, ambitious, lets me take the lead but knows his role as a man. Someone who adores his mother but does not act like a B*TCH. I want a man who accepts that women are made of many layers and is worth more than what the eye can see. He needs to know that a REAL woman can adapt to any situation without losing herself but she is still a queen to be. I would like to think of myself as multifaceted so my future guy would have to be as well. He should be able to go from hanging out with his sneakers on to dress shoes in a company meeting.
I am starting to wonder if we women even get what we want. Could majority of us be single because we think that we are going to find that perfect man who is in our heads? Or could we be single because we know what we want and refuse to settle for less? Honestly speaking some women are not sure of exactly what we want. We go into situations having expectations and we are not even being realistic. Oh and to my women who are spoken for but are not happy, do not let being comfortable and thinking nothing else better is not out there. Time is something that you can NEVER get back. We women are so use to doing what we have to do and want to act how society expects us to that we do not see what is on the other side of the rainbow. It is nothing wrong with wanting what you have always dreamed of but no man will ever be 100% perfect. Just because it looks all polished and well put together does not mean that it is…
-The Single B*tch
When we girls go out to a club, bar or wherever and if we get approached by a guy why is the first question that he asks is “why are you single?” And of course my reply is ” if I knew I wouldn’t be single.” But then I thought….hell, why am I single? But then I reflected back over past relationships and I realized how they impacted me as an individual and I feel as though that I need to grow more before I can share myself with someone else.
Do you feel that you are single because of bad karma? Do you feel that your status defines you? For one minute please do not think something is wrong with you or less of yourself because you do not have someone to call your own at this moment. I’m starting to believe that some men are truly intimidated by strong and confident women. Some of us women do not even know what we need in a man. Also, lets not confuse what we want and need. Some of us do not even step outside of our comfort zone and we go out to places that we know do NOT have boyfriend material there. While you are alone maybe this is the time you should be discovering yourself and this should be a time of growth. I feel as though if you cannot stand alone it is almost impossible for you to stand with someone else. Women I can not let some of us off the hook because sometimes we make it hard for ourselves. You also can not expect certain things from a man if you can not offer something just as valuable in return. I do not think it is fair to want a guy to give, give and give but there is no reciprocity on our end. I absolutely HATE hearing that when you are not looking you will find love. But why would you look when you are not ready to make yourself available. Is it true that timing is everything? So ladies….do you feel that there is a reason why you are flying solo right now….why are you single?
-The Single Bitch
At certain times he calls you, wants to see you and only hangs out with you at the house. Then there are times when it is all about you, you see him multiple times a week, you get gifts, great convo, you are treated like a queen and you get all of the hugs and kisses that a girl can ask for. The funny thing is you are not the only one, in fact you are the other one.
Whether you want to admit it or not we have all been the side chick at least once even if we knew it or not. I am not sure if it is just me but it seems like a lot of guys are taken or have a “situationship.” I would like to think of myself as a very trusting person but I always assume that a guy may or may not have something already going on with someone else. Do not get me wrong, I do not condone being the side chick, but I have been viewing this topic a lot different lately. In this case there is always 4 sides to the story. It is the truth (more than likely what the other girl says), what they guy says, what the other girl says and what or how the main chick feels. So I feel that it goes a little something like this…
There are three different types of side chicks. You have the girl who has the intentions of being promoted to the main girl (which will never happen) and has every intent to break the relationship up. Then you have the girl who gets in where she fits in and just wants to get while the getting is good. Then, poor thing, you have the girl who has no idea in the world. At times I wonder to myself if the side chick who has no intent of being with the guy even counts. Not that it is okay to get involved with a guy who has a girlfriend but I feel that once you start its hard to stop and since a woman is only human she can not help but to get her feelings involved and to tell the truth she just wants to be loved.
So in this situation who holds the most blame? Who is the one who has the most to lose? It is always great to be the entrée but NO ONE wants to be served on the side…