Normally we hear about men spending or giving money to women or buying them things. A lot of times men will trick off for women who they want the attention of, and in exchange for the woman’s time they will buy them things. Nine times out of ten the man and woman are not together because if they were he would not have to lure her with superficial things. The older I become I realize that we women do it too. In fact I think we do it more often than men do.
For those of you who are not familiar with the term “trick off” it means to give money or material things to someone for their time, affection, attention and in some cases SEX. For decades women have been taking care of men and treating them like their sons. I have seen some women who are caught up in love providing a roof over her “man’s” head, clothing them, feeding them and letting them use their car. Oh and lets be clear MONEY CANNOT BUY YOU TRUE LOVE. Now in this case I am not talking about a leaching ass situation. I am talking about a non-committed, give and take and no strings attached situation where you have met a guy who had sex so good that you were willing to pay bills, buy shoes and cook him breakfast at 8 o’clock in the morning. We have all met a guy who we knew was not worth a damn but we did not care because he satisfied you sexually. Now I am no advocate for supporting a man who does not work but listen if all you want is a play toy and not expecting anything in return then be my guest, I see nothing wrong!
They say p***y is power but I say the penis has some mighty power too. To the ladies who are reading this and disagree or think it is dumb then you probably have never had great wood and I feel bad for you.
The Single B*tch
Good d*ck will make a girl lose her mind!!! I wonder if there are any classes that you can enroll in to help you get over good wood?
Good grief I do not know why it is so hard to get over amazing sex. I don’t care if he just hit it once or maybe even twice but I swear you will spend your life trying to chase that same feeling but to be honest it does not compare if it is not with that same person. It is like when you get a taste of some GREAT peen all common sense goes out of the window. The worst sex to have is with someone who does not belong totally to you or someone who is not on the same page as you. I do not care what anyone says but good sex is very hard to come by but why is it that good sex with the wrong person is so easy to get into but hard to get out of? Something that feels so right can end up so bad when it is with the wrong person.
Here is one of my many stories…
Girl, so I saw this guy at the bar one night and I was instantly attracted to him. See I am the type of person that is more attracted to characteristics and demeanor than physical attributes (how someone looks is still important) but I still have a certain type of guy that will make me melt and HE HAD IT ALL!!!! He was about 6’4, 230 lbs, dark smooth skin, his bone structure was perfectly chiseled, full lips and big beautiful eyes. I found out that he was a few years younger than me so I just knew that I was going to show him a thing or two and have his mind gone and boy was I wrong. From the second he opened his mouth I knew he was not worth sh*t but I was not looking for anything serious so I said what the hell I will just have my fun. But of course you had to take the good with the bad. From what I observed he had no job, he did not take things seriously, he went to school on scholarship and blew it and had a strong fixation to the ganja. Now I do not judge anyone who has a vice because I have mine but it is a totally different story when it is your priority. So we texted here and there and had the normal get to know you conversations. He met my friends and me one night at a hookah bar and we vibed so well together but when he asked me out to the movies the next night I was shocked (being that I have not been on a date in ages). It felt good to get dressed up and spend some time with someone who you have interest in. The sexual attraction that I had towards him was so strong that I actually got aroused just by sitting next to him in the movies. I think the reason I was so sexually attracted to him was because it is rare that I find someone who fits the description of what I physically like. After that night he was extremely distant and I figured something was wrong. The fool got upset because in a drunken ramble offered to pay for the movies and did not. I mean geesh please do not hold me accountable for anything that I say when I consume gin. We finally linked up again one late night and my goodness…what he had dangling between his legs was enough to make me pay his car note (if he had one) for 6 months. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING THAT BIG IN PERSON! Honestly he is in the top 2 of the best sex ever. The only reason he is not number one is because we lacked the mental and emotional connection. We were supposed to hang out after than but it never happened. To this day…I will never forget the blessing this man has bestowed upon me.
How can a man be so evil to only give you some amazing peen once??!?!? How do you get over such good sex? They say a way to get over one man is to get up under another but to be honest I am not trying to test drive someone else and waste a number. That would be like having a strong craving for pasta but you receive a hot dog instead…I WANT HIM!!! Lol
The Single B*tch
I think it is quite ridiculous how all of the signs of why we should not involve ourselves with someone could be right in front of us but we seem to always ignore them. It is human nature to always want what we cannot have or what is bad for us. When we try to diet we always want something unhealthy. When we try to remain sober we always want a stiff drink (this is a toughy for me). When we try to abstain from sex that is when we are the horniest and all the peen that you once wanted is being thrown at you left and right. Before I leave this Earth I would love to get to the bottom of why we are so intrigued by what is out of our reach.
Now I do not claim to know much about men but I feel that one thing is true…they are habitual! When a man begins to be inconsistent, something is wrong! Let me tell you what happened to me. I started dating this guy that I knew in my childhood and we dated for about 6 months strong. Like everything was right. We saw each other every weekend, if I had car problems he would fix them, he would bring me around his family, we actually went on dates and we communicated pretty well. A little more than half way through the 6 months he would go days without calling me and would say his phone was off. We would also make plans for dates and he would never show or never call back. He did all of those things for months. Right then and there I knew something was wrong but I didn’t want to believe it. It was not until I got a call from his girlfriend who he was with for 5 years, lived out-of-state and was planning on moving to Georgia. I was hurt, appalled and somewhat shocked. But the signs were right in front of my face…
For us women we always fall victim to this issue, and in a way to ourselves, because it seems that we ignore all of the red flags when it comes to men. I seem to always involve myself with men who have too much baggage, a criminal record, not ready for commitment, dishonest or who have some type of situation going on. I try to justify this situation by telling myself that at least I am aware of his faults and what I want out of the situation. But this still does not make it right if you find yourself getting disappointed by the outcome. I do not know if we are just intrigued by the unknown or if it feels good to “sneak” and do something or if we think we can somewhat change the situation. In some ways I believe we do not want to believe it because it will make whatever is wrong true. For some, including myself, it is always easier not knowing. Lord knows my intuition has kicked in more than a few times and I just push it right on to the side. Personally for me I cannot be thrilled with a good time and then say no. I think for so long I have always tried to do the right thing or take extra precautions that I never did what pleased me. What is sad about this all is that we know what we are getting ourselves into but when the walls come tumbling down we act shocked that it happened.
I think it is time we take charge of our lives and feelings and do what is beneficial to us in the long run. We need to take the time out to learn and, most importantly, love ourselves and we will see that soon we can careful about the time we may lose by dealing with someone who is no good.
The Single B*tch
Of course, who does not want to find true love but there are times when you just need a roster. When you are a single girl I think it is okay to keep a few guys around for fun. It gives you choices and a chance to not grow emotionally attached to anyone. Please keep in mind that it is always good to be honest with everyone involved. You do not have to tell all of your personal business but be clear about what you want and how you feel.
Now, I have been without a boyfriend for a loooooonnnnng time but I have NEVER been without a homie lover friend. This is some sad sh*t. I think the reason why I have been somewhat content without a committed relationship is because I have always had someone to keep me entertained. I had a different guy to fulfill different needs and wants. You may need a guy to stimulate you mentally and have intellectual conversations with. One guy may give you exactly want you need sexually and one may be the jack of all trades and possess everything you need. I even realized that it’s good to keep a guy around that is outside of what you are used to, someone who can expose you to different things and show you another side of life. I remember I once had a guy around that was younger than me. Lord knows I had NO business even entertaining him but he made me feel like a college girl again. I had no cares while he was around. I guess I will use this time to work on me and healing myself. I always thought I was okay with being alone but I see now that I was never lonely to begin with.
This phase sucks…
The Single B*tch
They say you can’t miss what you never had…well I think its possible. Love and relationships is a funny thing. You experience emotions you never thought you had and it takes you places that you never thought you could go. All of that feels good unless you have never experienced what you think love is.
Going to the movies on a Friday night, having a lazy Saturday in watching movies, enjoying drinks at the bar on a Sunday evening and getting ready for work on Monday morning with him are things that I wish I had. I want to be courted. I want to wake up smiling because I just received a “good morning” text and I know I was the first thought on your mind. I want to know what it feels like to have an argument and going days without a call or text so I can miss him like I haven’t seen him in years just to make up and hug him so tight. I want to be able to look forward to my work week just because I know that once the weekend comes I will be able to spend it with him. I wish I had someone to introduce to my family. Someone that can sit at the dinner table with me while my mom cooks Sunday dinner or someone that my dad can give the third degree to so he can make sure that he is fit for his princess. I wish that I had a man to watch all of my reality shows that I am so hooked on with and even though he may not like them but he chimes in and talks sh*t about what he sees. I want to experience holidays, birthdays and unexpected gifts. I want to be able to shower my man just like he showers me. I wish I had a man to make feel like a man is supposed to feel. I want my summer fling to turn into my valentine and share April showers with. I wish I knew what it felt like to cook breakfast for and serve it to him in bed. I wish I had someone to make feel like a king. I want to be his queen. I want to be able to hear a love song and relate to it instead of wondering what it would feel like. I want to go through the ups and downs and rocky times with someone. I want to love someone so hard that it actually hurts to feel so good. And as crazy as it sounds I want to experience the pain of a break up and maybe even leave knowing that it’s okay and life goes on and I have the chance to love again.
Maybe the reason why some miss what they have never had is because they are in love with the idea of something. It comes a time when you finally feel the need for something but it is not in reach. It is okay to want, dream and hope for something but you cannot let something that you desire overcome you. Believe it or not wanting to fill a void so badly can end up damaging you because it can have you angry and emotionally bruised. Until the day comes when you finally get what you deserve and want just remember that someone somewhere is missing you too because you are something that they never had
The Single B*tch
The more mature and older I become I start to think about the characteristics in men that I just cannot deal with. We women need to think about our “non-negotiables” while we are dating and trying to find our better half. When I was younger about 13 or 14 (like I was grown and knew everything about dating) I remember having a red spiral notebook with over 100 things that a boy could not do or have. I would have things like he could not have dried up deodorant balls under his arm, could not wear jerseys with no shirt underneath, no braids, cannot drive a Honda, he can’t wear his friends clothes and a whole bunch of silly stuff. Now do not get me wrong some of those things I still do not like (besides the Honda) but they are not something that I cannot work with. And let’s be realistic whether you are 13, 23 or 33 no woman should have over 100 things that a man cannot do or have, in that case you deserve to be single. For me what is non-negotiable goes way beyond the obvious like not having a car, stable job and a place to stay because at my age those are given. I like to think more about a man’s values and his logic. So I talked to some of my close friends and co-workers who are women, from different backgrounds and ages and asked what are some things that are non-negotiable while dating and this is what they said ( I put a star by the ones I totally agree and cannot negotiate with):
- He cannot be a “mamas boy”
- He has to passionate about something…even if it’s lawn care..he has to want to do it and be good at it*
- He cannot be lackadaisical*
- He cannot have small children
- If he does not have manners*
- A man with no backbone…I do not want to be in a relationship with a yes boy
- He may not have to know how to cook but he has to be clean
- He cannot have less sexual stamina than me*
- Religion is a deal breaker. They must have some sort of faith in a higher power*
- Not too many kids*
- Has to be very respectful*
- A loyal person*
- He has to be confidant in what he has
- He has to be financially motivated*
- Cannot have a small penis*
- He has to be multifaceted*
- He has to be a man’s man…be able to fix cars and things around the house*
- He has to be realistic*
- Understands the meaning of having a friendship*
- He respects the fact that if a woman has kids she is a mother first before anything!**
- Great hygiene**
- He has to be ambitious**
- He cannot be a “bugaboo”
- Good sense of humor*
- Has to be humble
- He cannot be egotistical**
- Cannot by any means jealous
- He treats his mom with respect*
- He cannot be overly superficial*
- He cannot have dirty nails
- He cannot be immature
- It’s such a big turn off when a man always has to roll with a crew
- Multiple baby mamas**
- Not pessimistic
- No extensive criminal record**
- Has to have goals set**
- Has to pursue a career that benefits them
- He has to be well-rounded**
- Open minded*
By now a woman should know what she seeks in a man. No one should have no non-negotiables but on the other side of the coin no woman should have too many. I feel that I am too old to try to upgrade a man but in the same sense they are some things that I am willing to compromise and work with. If you are single and dating or even in a committed relationship you need to start asking yourself if the man you are with is a reflection of you. Now tell me…what are you not willing to negotiate?
The Single B*tch
Fussing in public, hanging up the phone, cursing each other out, breaking up every other week and headache after headache. It sounds so horrible but at the same time it feels so good. Sounds crazy right? To some people it is normal and that’s functional to them. I have heard some people say that they like organized chaos and for them it’s easy to operate…that’s how I think of dysfunctional relationships that functionally operate.
When I was younger I had a boyfriend that was older than me and to every high school girl it is a dream. Well my dream tuned into a living nightmare. I have never experienced so much mental and emotional abuse. At times it even got physical. What is still baffling to me is the fact that I thought if none of the drama was going on then something was not right. The drama use to drive us, we loved it. Our dysfunction was habitual and in fact quite normal. I was so drained emotionally. As I look back now I think I became a little desensitized. A little jealousy is normal in relationships but my boyfriend took it to another extreme he became jealous of me. He did not want me hanging with my friends, when I got my first car he did not congratulate me and did not support anything that I did. By that time…I had enough. I was done! I went to college and saw that there were more men in this world than the “man” I left back at home. I dated guys and there was one in particular that I was crazy about but it was a reason why it didn’t work. The same dysfunction that my ex-boyfriend and I had, I tried that on him…IT DID NOT WORK. That’s when I learned that what I thought was the “new normal” was not normal at all.
Some of us may not notice how previous relationships have shaped our views on current relationships. It could even distort future relationships if we let it. I have learned that it is also important to allow ourselves some breathing room to recover from bad and even sometimes good relationships. It is never okay to expose yourself to so much dysfunction. And it definitely is not okay to lose yourself to the point that you do not even know how to be yourself in a relationship. Never let something so negative become all you know because you will never have the chance to know something else if you do not allow it. It is funny how something so uncomfortable becomes your comfort…
The Single B*tch
So I was thinking…what if the man of your dreams was someone who you least expected? No he is not shorter, taller, older or younger than you but he is of a different race. I would like to think that America has come far but every time an interracial couple walks into a room you can hear a pin drop and the sound of crickets (even if you aren’t outside). I have never been the one to discriminate against a good ole fashioned swirl but I have had my reservations…
I grew up in the suburbs and it kind of reminds me of the movie Pleasantville. Everyone seemed so happy all the time and their lives appeared so perfect. Growing up I was always attracted to the boys outside of my race. It was not because it was my preference but those were the only guys I was surrounded by so that is what I found myself more attracted to. As kids they would flirt with me, tell me that I am pretty and pass me notes but would never pursue a “relationship” with me. Now that I am older I find myself getting openly approached by the same guys and others when I go out. When people get older we are more open and honest about what we like and refuse to keep it hidden but even though I am very open about trying new things there is something that scares me about the “swirl”. I do not ever want to feel like a novelty, something on your bucket list to try before your 30th birthday or a different flavor at Baskin Robins. When a guy of another race makes a move towards me I can’t help but think that he just wants to take me for a test ride and attempt to fill a fantasy. Again, like other unknowns when it comes to possibly finding love, I’m scared.
Life is full of surprises and it is almost impossible to predict what will happen from one day to the next. What if what we always wanted in a man was outside of our comfort zone and into another? We cannot continue to let society or what our aunties say dictate how we feel or think if you are in fact definite or sure about what is inside. Hell even if you aren’t sure it’s definitely worth a try! Next time I get approached by a man who’s skin has less melanin than mine…I’ll be sure to give him a double take 🙂
The Single B*tch
“I’m not going to use the B word. I just call y’all unstable creatures.” If you have ever watched the movie Baby Boy you know exactly what I’m talking about. The more I am becoming in touch, or untouched, with my feelings I’m starting to believe that this statement is true. In three days I swear it’s so possible for me to experience six different emotions. One moment I am extremely happy and running through a field of flowers and the next I’m angry and wanting to light some sh*t on fire. In the past year I have been going through some emotional changes and I would like to actually think of it as growing pains. I’m having pains while growing….
I think it comes a point in every woman’s life when you experience a lot of unstable emotions. One minute I want to be in love and the next I don’t even want to be touched. One moment I want to be mentally stimulated and have an intellectual conversation and the next I just want my back blown out and no other words besides “do you have a rubber?” are needed. When I wake up in the morning I could be happy about possibly finding love and staying hopeful because I know it’s out there and by dinner time I want to cry because I am wondering why love hasn’t found me yet. At times I feel in control and empowered and others I feel like I need Iyanla Vanzant to come fix my life. I find myself getting so upset and in an uproar for some of the smallest things. I found myself wanting to slap the hell out of someone because I held the door open for them and they didn’t say “thanks”. I feel like I am a ticking time bomb and ready to explode over nothing at times. When things don’t go my way my attitude becomes horrible and I have a little pouting session. I feel like a little kid who acts out because I want attention and when I get over the feeling of wanting the spotlight and things to go my way I feel ashamed and wrong for how I acted. I’m starting to learn how your mouth and words are a dangerous weapon because when I am hurting I find myself saying hurtful things to others (men in particular). I guess the saying is true…hurt people hurt people. I just want to get it right. I am waiting and ready for the day when I finally have it together. I think that is what hurts the most, the fact that I thought I had it all together then to find out that I don’t. Because of my pain and hurt and the way that I am handling it, I find that it is hard for me to be a good friend. I consider myself a loyal and dependable friend but I am feeling that I haven’t been the best friend lately. To all of my true friends out there I am sorry if you have seen some changes in me and in some way, form or fashion it hurt you too. With my emotions constantly changing I thought I was creeping up on some mental condition until I finally came to this conclusion…
I am approaching a stage in my life where I am at a point of self-reflection. I am now forced to face my mistakes of the past and its consequences, my fears and life’s changes. I now know that some things are inevitable and you cannot run from it. To be real I have some underlying issues. Some issues I have never dealt with and others I didn’t know I had. Because I do not have a grip on what I am experiencing I lash out instead. A lot of my anger stems from the issues I have had with men and how my insecurities got me into situations I had no business being in. The way I deal with guys and the conflicted emotions that I have when it comes to love comes from my past and a place of hurt. Because of the fact that I do not know where I stand and what I really want it reflects when I am interacting with guys. It is easy for me to float from one emotion to the next. I am going through some turbulence right now but soon I will get it right. Right now it all starts and ends with me…
The Single B*tch
Besides the fact that I pop coca cola open like I change underwear I never had any other addiction until I met him. I never thought it was possible to be addicted to someone until he entered into my life. Something as enjoyable as the feeling that you get from someone you are so into should not be so destructible. In this case I don’t even think I considered what my heart said because your mind takes over everything that you’re feeling whether if it is wrong or right. What is strange is that as much as your mind takes over I used no logic when it came to him…there was no such thing as common sense.
During my addiction to him I didn’t know if I was in love, lust or if he was just breaking me off like no other. If I could I would be stuck in a house with him for days and wouldn’t stop until I got enough. Of course I would need my time away from him so I could come down but as soon as my high wore off I would need him right back with me again. It’s like I was doing something that I had no business doing, I couldn’t tell anyone about him because I was afraid that I would be judged. The attraction between us was so real it’s like a magnetic force field is between us and we couldn’t stay away. He was my drug, my habit and my dealer. When I was wrapped up in him it’s like I was floating on cloud 9 and I couldn’t come down, in fact I didn’t want to. He had me hooked, dependent and I couldn’t kick him.
Ladies I had to check myself into an imaginable a$$ rehab to get my mind right!!! When I think about it…I think I was in love with him but more than anything he was all I knew. I felt comfortable with him. I needed to see what life was like without having him there all the time. I could no longer depend on him. To be honest I do not want to go through life without having him somewhere in the mix but I needed to kick my habit. Every now and again I still find myself fiending for him…I just need a taste. I can’t even lie…I just need one more hit…or three 🙂
-The Single B*tch