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I Want That Old Thing Back

Every now and again I will wake up with an epiphany and realize that I want that old thing back. One thing I never liked about myself is the fact that I can treat a guy that I once dated like I never knew him. I feel that there is no point of still communicating if we no longer date. There have only been a few rare occurrences where I still keep in contact with someone I have dated because we were good friends first. I guess to have me thinking about him years later, he must have been special.

I met him in college and we were always friends. He was one of those guys that I have always subconsciously had feelings for. Calling him for advice turned into quick conversations turned into text messages, then long phone calls, then drunken high nights that turned into leg shaking sex. He made me feel comfortable and I was not afraid to be myself with him. We gave each other good laughs and nights that turned into mornings. I could not even tell you how we ended. I think we were mutually caught up in other situations that took prevalence at the moment. So we fizzled out…

Sometimes you never realize how much of a good thing you and he had. I guess as you mature you realize how much he would have been a good fit for you. Sometimes I think I get in my nostalgic moods and I want to relive the past and feel good like that old memory made me feel.  Then other times I think that maybe a shot at a second go round can be better than the first. Then knowing myself I think I just like the comfort of knowing that he is a familiar face. I hate finding someone new sometimes. Then to be quite honest I just want something to make me feel good…I just want to have fun.

Who knows, maybe my old thing can turn into a good thing and we can give it a shot again.

 

With Love,

The Single B*tch

What Is Your Defense Mechanism?

We all go through hurt from time to time. Some of us can deal with negative situations better than others. The rest of us just find a way to deal with the pain. Some reactions are innate and others are built and accumulated through time. After situation, relationship, situationship and whatever the hell else, I realized that I have accumulated a little (okay maybe a lot) of debris. To help prevent me from feeling anymore pain I realized that I have developed a defense mechanism.

My defense mechanism is my guard to defend myself against love.

Deep inside I feel a lot of different emotions. Sometimes I cry, laugh, get angry and other times I just let whatever happened roll off my shoulders. So I recently connected with someone I used to date and he told me that I was one of the hardest girls that he has ever met. At first, in a weird way, I took this as a compliment but later on I realized that continuously having a guard up is not healthy. After talking to him I brought this up to a friend and she told me “you have no emotions”. Now for some reason this shocked me. When I sat back and thought about it I realized that they were not the only ones who have said this to me, others have too. I guess my heart grew cold to preserve it from every getting broken again. I was watching Modern Family one day and Phil said that his dad is like a candy that has a hard shell but has a lot of candy inside. I was like “that’s me!!! That explains me perfectly”. But I wonder what it will take to soften my shell to get to the chewiness deep within?

When it comes to love, I should not have to defend myself against it. Love is not the enemy…

Yours Truly,

The Single B*tch

Hell Yea I am Mad….

There are very few times that I will make bash but today is one of those days. I never understood why men feel like the can do and say stupid sh*t and we women are not supposed to get upset. As women we are naturally emotional beings and we sometimes do not think logically when it comes to decisions with our partner I think that men can sometimes act so selfishly and once they get what they want they expect you to be okay with their decision. What is funny is that men can dish it but cannot take it. They remind me of kids in a way. They feel that they can make a mess and expect you to clean it up or we should understand about what they did. Though we should not harp on our anger but it is okay to admit when you are hurt or mad about a particular situation.

We all go through sh*t and those situations sometimes leave stains. Some women are not as strong emotionally and mentally as others. Personally, I have been through some sh*t and even though I feel that as a person I have grown I find it hard to let some things go. I have been told by a friend that maybe I am afraid to let go because I find comfort in the hurt. After some thought I think that it is true. Sometimes you never really realize that you are mad about something until you come across a trigger. No woman wants to admit that she is bitter but damnit I am here to finally admit that I am a bitter b*tch. Now let me make this clear, as far as everyday life goes I am an easy-going happy person. Even when it comes to love I am easy-going but it is a particular situation that I have that makes me become angry here and there. There is just a huge part of me that I feel is holding me back from progressing because I am still hurt about it. I find it hard to try to face what is bothering me because that means I would have to accept the final outcome. I am just looking forward to the day when I am ready to face my issue head on, deal with it and accept it. I feel that I may never be over it but at least I can learn how to adjust.

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. That alone is a huge step. Do not be afraid to admit that you are hurt or even mad. What does matter is how you handle it and if you let it consume you. Control your problem, do not let it control you

Yours Truly,

The Single B*tch

My Fears As A Single Mom

My fears as Single Mom Dating

What I fear the most about being a dating single mom is not having anyone at all. Sometimes I am not sure if it is possible for a woman to have it all. It is almost like you have to sacrifice one thing for another. Being a mother is always my first priority but is it bad that a girl wants a companion too?

I have a pretty normal and for the most part a smooth sailing life. The more I mature I find myself ready to settle down with someone who compliments me. As I have said time and time before I have never been a girl who has dreamed about their wedding day but now more than ever I dream about the one who will make me a lucky woman. Not to mention my six-year old is constantly asking when I am going to be married because he wants a brother. Now let me be clear, I do not think that having a child is holding me back in the love department. I have all of the time that I need to establish a healthy relationship because I have a great support system. I never met a man who did not want to date me because I have a child. In fact I think the fact that I am an INDEPENDENT single mother makes me that more attractive. To be honest I think the fact that I had a child before marriage has my panties all the way in a bunch. I feel the pressure now more than ever.

What frustrates me is how easy it is for men with kids to date. Quite naturally the child will live with the mother so the father has time to live life as is. Besides the couple of days a week that he has his child (or whatever the arrangement may be) his day-to-day is never altered. If an event such as work or something else arises it is always easy for him to call you and say that he cannot see his child. As a mother you have to always have a plan A, B, C and D. You do not have the option to say that you cannot see your child. I am not sure if men understand the word sacrifice. I do not think men consider a lot when inviting another woman into his life when he has a child. I feel that a man does not have the worries that we moms do or even take into consideration certain factors that could affect the mother as well as the child. For example, my son has never met a man who I have dated. As a woman I have to consider who I introduce my child to because he will emulate what he sees. As a father he may not consider that because he feel that a child, particularly a son, will not model after a woman. I also constantly worry if the man who I do marry will love my child as if he was his own. I also worry about if I have other kids will my son feel out-of-place because he does will not have the same father as his future siblings. I do not think that men consider that. I do not think that it is because they do not care but because they just do not think…PERIOD!

I always worry about not being there for my son or consuming my life with other things will make me a bad mother. I always feel guilty when I do other things and I end up wishing I was at home with my son instead. In reality I know that I am a phenomenal mom but I do not want to feel like I am choosing something or someone over him. I fear that making my son the only man that helps me keep my bed warm at night will have me old, gray and alone.

Life for a woman is not always easy. I feel that as a woman, most importantly a mother, it is natural to always sacrifice. But what if the small things that we feel are “unimportant” cause us our soul mate? In some cases our children may not be why we do not have a flexible schedule but it could be because we do not put ourselves in a position to welcome love.

Sincerely,

The Single B*tch

One Sometimes Isn’t the Loneliest Number

In my previous post growing pains I discussed going through a point in your life of self-reflection and growth. A part of this developmental stage is being alone. In this case I am not just focusing on being alone in reference to a romantic relationship but a relationship with yourself. While growing into who you want to be it is important to utilize this alone time to help make yourself better.

While I was going through self-reflection and growing into a better me I found myself feeling a little anti-social. I am not exactly a social butterfly but I am pretty sociable. I like to go to the bar for a nice cocktail or enjoy a nice summer day party to listen to some great music. Slowly but surely I found myself not wanting to be around people, I didn’t want to pick up my phone or return text messages. At first I thought something was wrong with me like I was going through a depression or something but then I realized that I needed this. I was afraid that I would lose friends but my true friends respected the process. I also found that I was able to notice and observe more and this includes people and things. I also noticed some things in myself that I did not like or that needed improvement. I saw things in some people who made me want to no longer involve myself with them. I thought about some friends that I grew apart from that I wanted to reunite with and I also noticed that some people had a whole lot of things going on that I did not want to add more weight on me. Think about this…when most of your friends call you of course it is natural for them to share with you what they are going through. And even though that is what friends do and naturally you want to listen and help but when you are going through it is too much to handle. Being a loyal and true friend I wanted to lend out advice, give my opinion or just sit there and listen to them vent but I knew that I did not want my process to be interrupted. I soon found out that this…being alone…was the best thing to ever happen to me.

If you too are going through this do not get down. Take one day at a time and learn to listen to yourself and figure out your purpose in the midst of all of this “mess”. If you utilize this time positively and smartly I promise that you will come out bigger and better than before.

With Love,

The Single B*tch

Just A Reminder…

It is so important to love yourself.

In today’s society it is so easy to get caught up in who you should be, who you want to be, who you think you should be and what others want you to be. As single women we always think that maybe something is wrong with us so then we try to change ourselves into what we think men want. Never forget who you are and in order for someone else to love you, you have to love yourself first.

I learned the hard way that you can never make a man love you. Quit making yourself available to the men who will not make themselves available to you. Please know your worth. Stop putting in full-time energy into a man who only gives you half of that. Never compromise what you want in a man and a relationship just because you do not want to be alone. I rather be alone, horny and happy than be sexually satisfied but still hurting. Remember that sex does not fill a void of real love. Do not ever confuse love and lust.

Do not let your insecurities and many fail attempts at love define you. You are a beautifully, specially designed undefinable creature who deserves everything good in life. When you are not right within it reflects on the outside and can affect your every thought and move. Real love is worth the wait. We all know that Rome was not built in one day and we all are a work in progress. Hurt and pain are sometimes inevitable but you will make it through and you will come out better than how you came in. Allow yourself time to heal and then you will see that finding, molding and developing yourself is the best thing that could have happened to you. Do not be afraid to love again and give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to start all over. Never give up hope and know that when the queen is ready the king will come.

With Love,

The Single B*tch

Don’t Be Fooled…Women Trick Off Too

Normally we hear about men spending or giving money to women or buying them things. A lot of times men will trick off for women who they want the attention of, and in exchange for the woman’s time they will buy them things. Nine times out of ten the man and woman are not together because if they were he would not have to lure her with superficial things. The older I become I realize that we women do it too. In fact I think we do it more often than men do.

For those of you who are not familiar with the term “trick off” it means to give money or material things to someone for their time, affection, attention and in some cases SEX. For decades women have been taking care of men and treating them like their sons. I have seen some women who are caught up in love providing a roof over her “man’s” head, clothing them, feeding them and letting them use their car. Oh and lets be clear MONEY CANNOT BUY YOU TRUE LOVE. Now in this case I am not talking about a leaching ass situation. I am talking about a non-committed, give and take and no strings attached situation where you have met a guy who had sex so good that you were willing to pay bills, buy shoes and cook him breakfast at 8 o’clock in the morning. We have all met a guy who we knew was not worth a damn but we did not care because he satisfied you sexually. Now I am no advocate for supporting a man who does not work but listen if all you want is a play toy and not expecting anything in return then be my guest, I see nothing wrong!

They say p***y is power but I say the penis has some mighty power too. To the ladies who are reading this and disagree or think it is dumb then you probably have never had great wood and I feel bad for you.

Sincerely,

The Single B*tch

I Do Not Want To Be That Woman

It amazes me how I look around and so many women are single. What amazes me even more are the amount of middle-aged women who have never been married. Do not get me wrong marriage is not for everyone and personally I think that if that floats your boat then who am I to judge? You have many women who have been married, divorced and now they are back on the dating scene again. Then you have that woman scorned who is bitter and male bashes every second she can. What I fear most is one day being that bitter middle-aged woman who has never experienced true love, living alone with a one-eyed cat and mad at the world.

I always imagined myself being a modern-day woman on the go with my luxury car, making six-figures at a fortune 500 company, living in a high-rise apartment in the city, with a loving happy child and exciting life. Currently I am a woman on the go who feels like I am going nowhere, with a wonderful child and working at a fortune 500 company for nickels and dimes. The funny this is that I never put in a man in my hopeful future life. I have never been that little girl who dreamed of her wedding day or what my dress would look like until now. Ironically I wanted my child first and then marriage. It may seem like I am afraid of commitment or marriage but I always knew how serious it is and it is something that takes a lot of thought and time. I am becoming afraid that I am going to be that woman who will be single forever and never married. Truth be told I am just in my mid-twenties so I guess I have a little time left but I think what bothers me is that I have been single for seven years and I think I have been in love once but it was with someone who did not even belong to me. So what is a girl to do, think or feel?

This day and age the idea of what a relationship should be is totally different. So many women are single and even struggling with wanting to love someone but cannot or even struggling with loving themselves. Why do you all think that the number of middle-aged single women is so high? Is it problems with the men wanting to have their cake and eat it too or do women just expect too much? We all cannot be a Miranda of Sex and the City, some of us want to be a Charlotte.

Yours Truly,

The Single B*tch

Dear Good Men,

We know you are out there
And while we pray to meet you one day
Our diabolical passion for revenge…
Keeps us focused and gravitated
Chasing
Away the good men that we befriend
Men that are opposite of them
The ones who parade around gallantly
Boasting and bragging
About their many women and has beens
Passing
Up the good women who love hard
Then leave us with no regard
Guarding
Our happiness and dissipating
Our love into madness, now we’re reciprocating…
Illustrating
The same thing we’ve experienced
Thinking all men are the same, no different
Vigilant
Of anyone who’s too close for comfort
Because our souls have died down to a slumber
Blunder
On our behalf because of a few mishaps
We look pass you good men and relapse
Entrapped
Into a continuous cycle of heartache
Unfamiliar with loving anything but pain
Plagued
By history which continues to repeat itself
Because it has proven that we don’t just do bad by ourselves
Helped
By the cheaters, abusers, liars and deceivers
We end up forfeiting the fairytale we dreamed of
Perceiving
That all of us black women are bitter and angry
And we bring the same to society with the daughters we’re raising
Changing
That perception would be you good men that still want us
Even through our inabilities to love you, you still love us
And on behalf of our fuck ups
We apologize…. don’t give up on us

LOVE ALWAYS,
A BITTER,  BROKEN, BLACK WOMAN

Author: Victoria CaMille

IG: @lyrical.love.jones

Good Sex Can Sometimes Be So Bad

Good d*ck will make a girl lose her mind!!! I wonder if there are any classes that you can enroll in to help you get over good wood?

Good grief I do not know why it is so hard to get over amazing sex. I don’t care if he just hit it once or maybe even twice but I swear you will spend your life trying to chase that same feeling but to be honest it does not compare if it is not with that same person. It is like when you get a taste of some GREAT peen all common sense goes out of the window. The worst sex to have is with someone who does not belong totally to you or someone who is not on the same page as you. I do not care what anyone says but good sex is very hard to come by but why is it that good sex with the wrong person is so easy to get into but hard to get out of? Something that feels so right can end up so bad when it is with the wrong person.

Here is one of my many stories…

Girl, so I saw this guy at the bar one night and I was instantly attracted to him. See I am the type of person that is more attracted to characteristics and demeanor than physical attributes (how someone looks is still important) but I still have a certain type of guy that will make me melt and HE HAD IT ALL!!!! He was about 6’4, 230 lbs, dark smooth skin, his bone structure was perfectly chiseled, full lips and big beautiful eyes. I found out that he was a few years younger than me so I just knew that I was going to show him a thing or two and have his mind gone and boy was I wrong. From the second he opened his mouth I knew he was not worth sh*t but I was not looking for anything serious so I said what the hell I will just have my fun. But of course you had to take the good with the bad. From what I observed he had no job, he did not take things seriously, he went to school on scholarship and blew it and had a strong fixation to the ganja. Now I do not judge anyone who has a vice because I have mine but it is a totally different story when it is your priority. So we texted here and there and had the normal get to know you conversations. He met my friends and me one night at a hookah bar and we vibed so well together but when he asked me out to the movies the next night I was shocked (being that I have not been on a date in ages). It felt good to get dressed up and spend some time with someone who you have interest in. The sexual attraction that I had towards him was so strong that I actually got aroused just by sitting next to him in the movies. I think the reason I was so sexually attracted to him was because it is rare that I find someone who fits the description of what I physically like. After that night he was extremely distant and I figured something was wrong. The fool got upset because in a drunken ramble offered to pay for the movies and did not. I mean geesh please do not hold me accountable for anything that I say when I consume gin. We finally linked up again one late night and my goodness…what he had dangling between his legs was enough to make me pay his car note (if he had one) for 6 months. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING THAT BIG IN PERSON! Honestly he is in the top 2 of the best sex ever. The only reason he is not number one is because we lacked the mental and emotional connection. We were supposed to hang out after than but it never happened. To this day…I will never forget the blessing this man has bestowed upon me.

How can a man be so evil to only give you some amazing peen once??!?!? How do you get over such good sex? They say a way to get over one man is to get up under another but to be honest I am not trying to test drive someone else and waste a number. That would be like having a strong craving for pasta but you receive a hot dog instead…I WANT HIM!!! Lol

Yours Truly,

The Single B*tch